I ‘F28’ and my boyfriend ‘M30’ have a child placed thrown at us and I’m not sure what to do now?
throwaway account for obvious reasons.
I ‘F28’ and my boyfriend of five years ‘M30’ have had his niece placed with us recently due to his nieces father not having her life together.
For a little context, we are both childfree by choice. I have and never will have any desire to have children of my own. I’ve made this clear to him since the beginning and he accepted it and agreed. It’s not that I hate children, but I like not having to be responsible for someone’s life 24/7.
Anyways, she was placed with us a few months ago. She’s a good kid, but she suffers severely from a learning disability and has severe ADHD. I thought that it would be manageable, as I have life experience dealing with disabled children. It isn’t. And I hate it.
I hate having to come home from work and having to teach her how to do things that her father and mother didn’t teach her. I hate that we both have to switch our entire lives around.
I wanted it to be us, not us and a child. I understand my boyfriend did this out of good will but I’m struggling. Now we went to court and his father is going against everything. They found drugs in the child’s system as well as the father. His mother is also not capable of taking care of her. She works long hours and doesn’t have a proper place to live. All of my boyfriend’s family doesn’t live anywhere near us, and she can’t be placed elsewhere.
Our next court date is coming up soon and my boyfriend and all of the DHS workers are asking if we’ll take care of him permanently, or for a long period of time. I’m horrified at this thought. I don’t want to take care of someone else’s child forever.
When I bring up the fact that we need to sit down and talk to his nieces mother about things he’s very reluctant to. He doesn’t want to bring anything up and thinks we are the best placement for his niece long term.
I’ve tried to approach the subject and he doesn’t say much but we’ll see about the next court date. I don’t want to commit to something I know I’ll resent. I need advice on what to do and how to say it. I have horrible anxiety that this will be a dealbreaker and he will breakup with me, and I don’t want that, but I also don’t want to take care of his niece forever.
I just don’t think it’ll be a right fit for me long term. I work very hard and I have plans for the future that involve me having a child free lifestyle.
Any advice is helpful.