I (f 25) have been sexually active for years now, and I never had an orgasm except from mastubation.
I started watching corn and touching myself very young, way to young as I realise now looking back. This distorted my idea of what intimacy is supposed to be like, as I tried to be and do everything like I knew it from those videos.
Over the years I’ve been in multiple relationships with men and women. I always put the focus on pleasing my partner and making sure they got off, but I never did (I faked it a lot tho).
I have no issue getting myself off tho, using toys or just my hands. Whenever I do it, I habe to tense up my legs really hard (idk how to describe it properly. I have a really high sex drive, so I made myself cum every night after going to sleep for years.
I never talked about this to my previous partners due to shame, and they were always convinced that I came when I just faked to make them feel better.
I don’t want to do this anymore going forward, as I feel like this kind of dishonesty isn’t good for developing a close relationship with someone. I’m currently dating this guy, and we haven’t done anything physically except kissing and cuddling.
About a week ago I decided to stop mastubating until we end up getting physical. I feel like I’ve gotten very desensitised from it over the years, and that might be part of why I can’t cum with someone else. I also figured my body has gotten used to the sensation of doing it myself, and anything else feels kind of foreign and weird.
How long do you think it will take me to feel everything normally down there again? Has anyone else been in this situation? Do you have any advice for me going forward?