I’m in a pretty unusual situation. I have incurable cancer. My husband and I (we’re in our late twenties/early thirties) got married when I was very ill and we thought I would die soon afterwards. A couple of years later, I’m still here but not cured. Couldn’t give you a good estimate of how long I now have left, possibly five to ten years.
We don’t regret getting married, and we are a very good match for each other. We are very much in love, and have a great sex life.
But, we do have to be realistic about my lifespan and about what he does with his life after me. We have discussed him dating after me, and even him getting married again. I fully support this, and want him to live his life free of the shadow my death will bring. I’ve even suggested mutual friends that he might be a good match with. I think it’s my way of thinking he’ll be okay when I’m gone.
So, onto the situation: one of my friends (35F) has repeatedly said she finds my husband hot. I don’t find this problematic in itself, and my husband takes it as a compliment. Said friend is a virgin.
My husband, like many men, has something of a virgin fetish. Without getting overly analytical about his caveman brain, he’s not proud of it, but I’d say he feels it more keenly than others I’m aware of.
Y’all can probably already guess where this is going.
We (all three of us) have started discussions about my husband taking my friend’s virginity. I’d be happy to think my husband and my friend could make a go of a relationship when I die. I think they’d be a lovely match. Obviously, this won’t happen until I’m dead! But should I take into account the fact that my husband wants to take someone’s virginity and agree to them having sex whilst I’m still alive? It would be a one-time thing, and it would mean my husband wouldn’t “just miss out” (my words not his) on being her first.
This is my first monogamous relationship, all of my previous have been non-monogamous. They’ve ended badly, and I do think having multiple sexual partners at once was a reason for that. Nothing against it in principle, it just didn’t work well for me.
So what do we think? Am I crazy for considering my husband having sex with my friend, to scratch his virgin itch, and to possibly pave the way for something after I’m dead?