Husband use of marijuana
My 31f husband 35m and I have been together for 3 years. Married for 1. He was very depressed before we got together. He smoked weed and drank all the time just to get away from the loneliness and dreaded his day to day life. About a year before we got together, he decided he didn’t want to live like that so he stopped the weed, started working out, and taking care of himself. He didn’t touch any of that again for years. Now we’ve been together for a while and he tried weed again just for a one time fun thing. I did it with him because I never have. I didn’t much like it so i tried it a couple more times but then never touched it again. It’s not for me. But I started noticing his eyes being red all the time. He told me it was only for special occasions. Mostly weekends. Then it was every night. Then it was early evening. Then it was all day and during work. He has a really addictive personality. He has a few vices that he feels he can’t live without even though I know he could. And I’m afraid this has become another one. He doesn’t feel like the man I fell in love with anymore. There’s nights he’s too out of it for sex. When in the past he’d carry me to the bedroom and be so into it. Now it’s just race to finish cause he’s sleepy.
He’s told me since he met me how much he wants a family and a baby. Now we are actively trying. I saw that I was ovulating and told him we could try to conceive that night. He just looked too tired and not into it. He said he wanted it to be a quicky. Which I’m ok with, but i thought he would at least be excited about it. I feel like he just wants to be high now. And that I’m getting in the way of that.
I told him that i wasn’t going to live that way. He agreed that he didn’t want it to be that way either. But it’s a week later and it’s the same. I don’t think he cares that I don’t like it. Or he cares and just can’t control himself. I don’t know how to handle it.
Tl;dr husband is high all the time. Not the man I fell in love with.
11 comments
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My wife is the same way. She’s high alllll day every day. It doesn’t really affect her in a negative way at all though. I don’t like it but hey I married her for better or worse.
1) Do not be trying for a child until this issue is resolved completely.
2) Maybe time to look into rehab. While recreational weed use is largely harmless, it sounds like he’s gone down the road of addiction and too heavy use. Do you really want your child to live under those conditions?
Stop TTC until this is resolved. A baby will make this worse
Weed isn’t the problem. Someone can regularly smoke up, hell, they can smoke daily, and it not be a problem. The issue here is that your husband’s smoking is interfering with the rest of his life.
Look into therapy. He definitely needs it for his depression and possible psychological addiction to marijuana. And therapy would probably benefit you as well. But stop trying to have a baby in this situation.
Please don’t get pregnant.
He has to actually be off the junk and available to be a father. If the pot is more important then hes not for you.
>I told him that i wasn’t going to live that way.
I love the feeling, but you have to truly be about that life if you start saying stuff like this.
Be specific with the problems (lack of performance sexually, etc…) and focus on those things individually. Don’t try to tackle weed as a holistic issue, it’s just too big and fraught.
Besides, *”When you get high you become a lazy, selfish lover”* is pretty heavy stuff all on its own.
Best of luck, this sucks!!!!
I’m all for weed, I’m a heavy smoker. All day, everything. But have you ever heard the saying, “too much of anything is bad” even if it’s not bad for you. Addiction with weed is all mental. It’s hard to fully quit, especially if you’re a heavy smoker- you’ll get mood swings and all that nonsense that weed helps calm/suppress. If you really don’t want it part of your life, you’ll have to tell him that. Or, maybe you guys can come to a compromise? I mean, it’s affecting your relationship now, you have to let him know. If he REALLY cares, if he REALLY wants this baby with you- weed shouldn’t be that hard to give up/cut back on.
So you want your baby to have a pothead loser as a dad?
The following is the universal marriage deal-breaker list:
– Infidelity
– Physical abuse
– Substance abuse
Your husband checks the box.
I mean, I smoke a lot and my tolerance is pretty much to the point where it’s pointless. However I’ve been smoking a long time. It doesn’t hurt my family in any way. I have a child and it was worrying my wife that my sperm was low.
Idk, if you love this man, I don’t see weed being a big deal breaker. Of course im biased. But your man has a job, and seems to fulfill duties. Maybe try for sex earlier.
Again just a bit bias since I am a “functional pothead” for lack of a better term