Over the past couple of years, I've been trying to organize my life and get it together. And over the past couple of months, I've been shuffling back and forth through the chapters of my life trying to make sense of it all.
I think I've done pretty decently. Have an okay job making ~85k/year, am in the process of paying off debt (long process there), am physically fit (6'1" ~185-190 lbs, muscular), am well-read in a variety of subjects. But lately I feel as if I am "just not gonna make it". What do I mean by this?
Well, I am 32. I will be 33 later this year. This is the twilight period of being young. I have less time to mess around and now things have to get really serious. Many of my friends are married or in long-term relationships, they own a home of some kind, some have kids, people are getting promoted, etc…in general, my friends are moving forward.
Conversely, I am still stuck in quicksand. I am finally going to move out of the home my mom and I live in later this year (I didn't move out earlier due to a combo of debt, low finances, and having to help out my mom who was often sick a lot), I finally am getting my finances right, and I feel things are moving in a positive direction. But it's not fast enough.
I'll unfortunately never be 22, 25, 28, even 30 at the stage I am at now. Those days are long gone. And so are lots of the dreams.
There were lots of things I wanted to do in my 20s. I wanted to succeed in business, date around and get good at pickup, explore different places, build a solid friends circle, and just in general live a great "young man" lifestyle. I wanted to live an expansive 20s, but I feel like I've wasted them now.
I'm getting older. Dreams are starting to slip away. Things are starting to catch up with me. I've never had a girlfriend at an age most people are married. Being a successful young man is slipping away. I have less rooms for excuses and mistakes. I still have to decide if I even want to be a father at some point in the future (if I can even find a woman to settle down with).
And now, I'm getting to the point where I am envious of people 10 years younger than me. They can make their mistakes. They have time. I don't. And there's so much that I wanted to do.
I was wondering if this is an isolated experience or if anyone else ever felt the same way.