Me(26F) and my bf (28M) have been together for 2 years and live together. He is a server and hates his job. He complains daily about his job ever since I met him pretty much. I’ve empathized with him, tried to help him and suggested career paths he can take or somehow kick start a career to have a more relaxed lifestyle and less toxic coworkers or just a change of environment. He also calls me after work which is usually anywhere from 10pm-12am to talk and he complains then sometimes but also expects me to have energy to respond to him and be present that late which is tough as I’m tired from the day.
For background: it’s already a bit of a friction point for me that he doesn’t have a stable career but I thought I’d be a bit patient and wait until he can get a better job for himself. There’s barely any time in the weekend to do any couple-ly things like date night etc since he works weekends and I work 9-5. He also kinda just wants to stay home and I like to be take on dates sometimes or do stuff outdoors. In the beginning we had fights because I said I wanted to go on dates and he said it should be enough that he’s there with me and I shouldn’t expect other things. Finally he did say he understood my side.
There’s also a big pay gap between me and him which I’m not mad at. I do wish he could earn more so he can do more things for himself but also so I can feel a bit more stable financially as a couple. Id ideally want someone who earns similar to me and he says he wants the same as well. Also I wish he’d be a bit more generous with me here and there with flowers or date nights, doesn’t have to be often.
So with all these little points of friction sprinkled around and then him complaining constantly is getting to me. He complains but he also doesn’t lock in and try to get a new job. I don’t see him working as hard as I’d hope for someone trying to change careers. He also prioritizes gaming a lot (plays at least 3-4hrs daily or more OR he just stays on his phone) which boggles my mind because I know it takes a lot of trial and error and effort to even get interviews nowadays.
Slowly I’m feeling less attracted to him because of the complaining and lack of drive. I’m personally a motivated person and like to work hard to get my goals. Maybe that’s why I’ve started to feel this way about him.
So I’m just feeling helpless and annoyed because I’m afraid we’re going to be in the same position a year later.
What can I do to further motivate him to find something better?
TLDR: bf complains a lot about his job; but isn’t doing much to change the situation. He also has less mental real estate for me because of his job.