3 years ago I met my bf (A) when we were seated next to each other in a class. From the jump, A would initiate conversation with me and say things that were pretty reminiscent of the whole "boy pulling girls hair because he wants her attention" shtick except in verbal form. For most of our interactions I was unsure whether he was making fun of me, hitting on me or if that was just how he talked to everyone.
A couple of days of this and I tell my friend (B) about A's behaviour, and as it turns out, B and A have actually grown up together and know each other quite well. Despite this, they aren't close since A is kind of douche. B tells me that she's sure that A is hitting on me. She also tells me that she's friends with A's ex, C, who finally dumped him for good after their some-months long on again/off again relationship because A was just a bad bf. This is also how I learned that B sits on A's other side in our shared class.
It kind of clicked for me then that the reason why A was always so eager to talk to me was because B would always be on his other side to hear it. This was confirmed for me some months later when our class ended and A would only ever approach me in the halls if B was there to see it and even that stopped after B took him back. After that, A and I didn't interact at all until last year when we happened to both attend the same college.
A starts talking me up again, going on about how he didn't see me at all the last few years (as if he wouldn't ignore me unless I could help make B jealous?) and how it's so crazy that we happened to be going to the same school and have some lectures together. He tells me that B went to a school a few cities away so they decided to call it quits for good. During our first conversation after a good two years, he makes sure I know that he's single for the foreseeable future and is excited about the larger dating pool college provides.
For a few weeks, our conversations are just like how they were the first time we had class together except now we're seeing each other more frequently, hanging out outside of class, and texting throughout the day. He starts getting more bold, (sitting/standing next to me until there's no space between us, leaning in too close when we're talking, keeping a hand on my knee or shoulder, etc). At this point we're dating without the title so I just straight up ask him "Are we dating?" and he goes "For real? Can we?" As if my question was unexpected and all of his actions weren't a build-up to this point? It's a pretty lame start for our relationship and I fear it set a precedent because I cannot name one solid aspect of our relationship.
To start, just based on A's personality and his relationship with B, I know that he's not your ideal bf. All my friends (and me as well) know him to be kind of a douche, he has so many female friends, is casually flirty, and I can never tell when he's honest, what he's thinking, or how much he actually likes me. At the same time, I feel like he has a lot of good qualities. He's insanely smart and always helps me study (we're in the same program), he's also attractive and I know he's out of my league, and as confusing as he can be, I enjoy the time we spend together.
My big issue is that I don't know how committed I can actually be to this relationship. If I'm being honest, A's character makes him hard for me to trust, and I also know that A could do a lot better than me. Both B and A are more attractive than me and I hardly share any personality traits with B so I'm not sure what he likes about me. I know A and B were sexually active while they were dating but me and A are not due to reluctance on my part. A's also pretty popular and I know he has other relationship prospects.
We've been dating for four months now and I've been trying not to be too vulnerable around him emotionally or otherwise because it feels like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. As it stands now, if he stops talking to me tomorrow or tells me he wants to see someone else, I wouldn't be broken up about it because I expected so anyway. At the same time, I know if I did the same to him he'd be mad, but not heartbroken. I like what we have now, keeping it casual because neither of us feel like we're in love or anything, but I feel like a fool for thinking that's sustainable. I know he'll eventually get tired of our relationship being stagnant and either want more or to break up and I don't know which one upsets me more.
I like to think that we both have a mutual understanding that we're not too invested in our relationship and are only together to mess around but if that were true why would choose me of all people? I don't think he's romantically invested in me but I don't want to be the reason why we don't work out if I'm wrong. At the same time, I'm scared of advancing our relationship and finding out I'm just expendable to him. What should I do?
TLDR: My bf is known to be kind of a douche and I have no idea how much he likes me or why he's been wanting to date me. We've been keeping our relationship casual and I'm not sure if my next steps should be to maintain my distance or close it.