To those who waited for their partner to be “ready” for a relationship, how did you decide it was worth it to wait for them? And did it end up working out or no?

12 comments

1. Instead of making my heart race, him being around quieted my mind and I could relax. That kind of feeling is precious to me and worth waiting for. It’s the first time I’ve felt that level of calm that I can remember. I just hope he feels the same way eventually.

2. “I’m not ready for a relationship” is such a common soft rejection. 99% of the time, they’re not the one.

   The only time I’ve seen this work is when my friend said he wasn’t willing to do long distance and waited til they were in the same country.

   On the other hand, I have known so many men who have said this to women but immediately became “ready” when he met someone he was actually into.

3. He was best friends with one of my very close male friends. He broke up with his gf of almost a decade and started spending more time with our group of friends now that he was single. We hit it off but he was very transparent about not wanting a relationship because he was fresh out of a shitty one with his ex.

   We were friends with benefits for a while and eventually he ended it because it was getting very relationship-y and he didn’t want either of us to have hurt feelings. I was really sad but couldn’t really blame his as his intentions were very clear from the start. We stopped talking completely (because I knew it would be too hard for me) and I asked him to delete my number so neither of us would ever drunk text in a desperate moment.

   I picked myself up and tried to move on even though I really really knew how great we would be together. After a few months he reached out and we started dating seriously and became an official couple. 14 years and 2 kids later I would say it was totally worth waiting for him to be ready!

   I know my outcome probably isn’t a very typical one but if you really really feel like it might be something someday, just leave it be and see what happens. Don’t force it, don’t WAIT around, live your life and let them live theirs and (as cliché as it sounds), if it’s meant to be it’ll be.

   I waited around because I just KNEW. Not like I had a bunch of other men banging on my door anyways so “waiting” didn’t really feel like I was missing out on other possible relationships.

   Anyways sorry about the rambling but I’m still so very much in love with him that I get excited to talk about it lmao

4. I was already falling hard. He had serious and very understandable reservations when it came to entering a relationship. We dated and spent time together and I simply decided he was worth it. I knew I might end up getting hurt and I was ready for it. But it’s working out so far.

5. There was no denying our connection, we were both seeing other people, he was very “I’m not going to have a monogamous relationship” I told him it was fine, I would gracefully bow out of the situation….he did not want that. He decided that a monogamous relationship would be worth a shot…it’s been 8 years and it’s still so good with us.

   The waiting for him to be ready was hard, painful even, sometimes it was gut wrenching but everything else just felt so right between us, we texted all day every day, except when he was on “dates”, those times were hard…like cry in the bathroom at work hard( even if I was still seeing other people).

   In the end it was worth it. Had we not found our way into a relationship, I would have been devastated, I think he would have been my forever regret. Instead I get to love him everyday, go to bed and wake up with him, and go grocery shopping, and make him look at my garden and go to concerts and raise my son together.

6. I waited, a couple weeks. He had some concerns and we talked through them. He takes things very seriously and I always move fast. He’s the one that makes me feel the safest compared to all of my exes who moved faster than him. Because he really thinks everything through and is sure of his decisions. Because he takes the time to make sure he makes the right move. It was so worth it.

7. He was preparing for a government exam, which happens once a year. He said that he isn’t ready for a relationship until he clears his exam and becomes something. I thought of waiting for him, as he was with me at my lowest, so I thought it would be worth it to wait and fair to be with him at his lowest.

   Until one day, after almost 3 years of me waiting, he casually said that once he is settled, he will try with other girls and will not even give us a chance. But he will come back to me if he doesn’t find anyone else.

   That’s when I realized that I was just waiting for a loser and trying my best to be worthy of him.

8. He gave me the whole “we will never get into a relationship” speech. But we were having sex and I already had feelings. After three months, I put my walls up and started to give him a little bit of the cold shoulder in attempt to begin to emotionally detach myself since I knew things weren’t going further. I was still seeing him in hopes that things would change, it was worth it to me because of the way I was able to be unapologetically myself even though I was beginning to show him a different side of me. He very quickly called me one day and asked me why I’ve been really quiet all of a sudden, why I’m very quick to just get changed and go home after my d appointments, and he mentioned that I’m now really hard to read. When I explained to him why I was beginning to pull away, he realized that he actually wanted to try things out…6 years later and we recently went wedding ring shopping.

   I realize that my situation is rare though. I advise friends that just because our relationship ended up this way, that doesn’t mean a fuck buddy situation usually will. Unfortunately, I was seeking validation and didn’t really love myself back then—-I hope other women wouldn’t put themselves through that.

9. When we met he was not long out of a serious relationship. We were dating exclusively from the beginning as neither of us were interested in pursuing other people, but when I asked about being in a relationship about three months in, he said he wasn’t ready for that.

   Things almost ended there, but I enjoyed being around him so I told myself I’d give it three months (until the end of the summer) and if he still didn’t want a relationship I’d call it quits. That date rolled around and I wasn’t ready to let it go, so decided to just not bring it up. It took until Christmas for me to raise the issue again, at which point we’d both been calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend to other people for months… Been together three years now, and it still amazes me every day how much love I have in my heart for him.

   How did I know it was worth waiting? He’s my peace, and he made me so happy. It also helped that we effectively were in a relationship already, just without making it ‘official’. There was a lot of trust and intimacy there, so I could accept the lack of labels for a while.

10. He’s a previous partner of mine. We’ll call him *W*. We have a lot of history. Were together for about a year and a half, and I felt that he wasn’t treating me considerately and I was unhappy so I broke it off. We didn’t speak for over a month, and I got into another relationship. That part wasn’t planned, and I found out later I was just trying to sate my own loneliness. (That person and I parted on good terms.) *W* was initially devastated by me being with someone else, but I was angry with him for treating me poorly and so I was seeking outside comfort. He also kind of dated someone else in between who he liked and that didn’t work out. We eventually started fooling around again and there’s definitely lingering feelings on both sides. He’s admitted it and I have, too. Unfortunately, we both have a lot of work to do on ourselves before we can make a relationship a priority again. He is worth it to me and I’ve never stopped loving him. He seems to be putting in work on his end to understand me better as well this time around and I think he’s genuinely interested in changing. I believe in him. I think he believes in me. Once we work through certain issues with ourselves, I could see him being my life partner. I see him as worth it, but I also don’t see it as “waiting around.” I live my life and do my thing in the meantime and so does he. I think we’re both of the mind that if it’s meant to happen, it will.

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12. I was absolutely the exception and NOT the rule. If you’re looking for validation that a situation could pan out when a dude said he’s not looking for a relationship….just assume it won’t work out. Because that’s the rule.

    My story is an exception story. My partner and I met online during 2020. He was a roadie, so obviously he’s on the road 9 months out of the year. Not good for relationships. He was upfront with me that this would be temporary until he got on the road again when things would open up again for work. And even if he wasn’t, he’s not looking for a relationship. I accepted that because it was 2020 and what else was I doing with my spare time. And he was sooooo sweet and kind. I thought there’s worse ways to spend my time.

    A year later (literally, exactly to the day) of this situationship, the world starts to open up. He’s going on a 4 month tour and we talk and agree that this situationship ends when he leaves. Maybe we will see each other again one day.

    Almost 4 months later we happen to be in the same city when he has a day off. My brother, weirdly, wingmanned it so we would meet up (I was visiting my brother out of state). Stayed the night together, and then after that we were inseparable once he was back in town a week or so later. Two tours later I finally was like “yo, you’re not introducing me as your friend anymore btw.” And he’s just like “okay.”

    It’s been almost 4 years and we live together. He’s off the road. We agree this is it for both of us. We’ve officially found our persons.

    But again, that’s the exception and not the rule. And it was a long rough journey getting there.