I damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

So heads up, maybe tmi and this is mostly a rant.

Last night I (35f) got home from being at work all day to a wonderfully clean living room and dining room. My husband (38m) had stayed home from work with our son (1 1/2yo). I was super jazzed to see that he had been productive while staying home from work, and I told him he did a good job and Thank you. I thought that it was going to be a good night too…

I started to feel a little scratch in my throat as I was working on settling our son down to go to sleep. A lot of people at my work have been coming down with illness so I was worried I might have caught the Virus. As I lay our finally sleeping child in his bed my husband indicates that he would like to be intimate. I was willing but told him I wanted to go take a rapid test real quick because I felt like I might be getting sick. He immediately gets huffy and says something along the lines of me implying I was up for it earlier. I don’t remember saying that but it seemed irrelevant because I was still willing I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t sick with something serious first. My husband has an autoimmune disorder and Although he is fully vaccinated I still would like to avoid getting him sick.

I go to take the rapid test and thankfully get a negative result. At this point my husband has made his way back out of the bedroom to the living room and looks like he’s about to turn his video games on. I let him know I’m negative so we are good to go, and he just gives me this nasty look and says “You can just say you don’t want to have sex”. Perfect! He’s in “a mood” now…

I eventually convince him that my not feeling well and wanting to take a rapid test was not all an elaborate act to get out of having sex and get him to follow me back to the bedroom. Now I am still a willing participant at this point (despite how frustrating and unattractive it is for me when my husband starts acting like that) however I def wasn’t remotely aroused. This is partly because hormonally my body is preparing for my period to start soon. Typically my body only graces me with “Hey 👋🏻 you’re feelIng Randy!” hormones during my fertility window. Because of this it was going to take some effort to make fireworks happen on this romp.

Let’s just say that our desired pacings didn’t synchronize and it ended with my husband being upset that I wasn’t “into it enough”. I tried to assure him that I did In Fact want to have sex but was getting frustrated with his pacing.

Mind you we went into starting sex with me letting him know that I was starting to not feel good. In fairness I have ADD and was experiencing a lot of distractedness at the time, on top of everything else, about work anxieties.

I tried cuddling after sex but he left angstily flicking the blanked off himself to go to the living room. I was exhausted at this point and fell asleep.

He’s been cold, petty, and over all moody all day today.