Need guidance
So me (34M) and my partner (31F) started dating 3mo ago. We got intimate 2mo ago. We are both quite inexperienced so I've been having some issues. Mostly I have trouble keeping/getting an erection so PiV has been impossible. I go down on her and can finger her and she goes crazy for it. But she's insecure and has no experience, says she doesn't know what to do, so I haven't been able to cum, unless I masturbate after.
Some thoughts that are running through my head:
I feel like I've surpressed a lot of urges when I was a teenager due to countless rejections and feelings of being unwanted. So even tho I want her, I find it hard to say or act what I feel. And I feel I am blocking myself mentally, and in turn, physically.
20 years of solo masturbation have fucked with my penis and my mind. I don't watch porn anymore, and have stopped masturbating. So when she touches me, mostly I don't feel much. Idk if there's anything I can do to solve this.
I grew up around misogyny and fucked up men. I've seen unfaithfulness and even a little violence. This made me very uncomfortable around men thirsting for women. So expressing my attraction makes me uncomfortable as well. When I read people here talking about "throatfucking" their partners, I find it demeaning and uncomfortable. She said she finds it hot and wants it, so I might have to rewire my mind around this.
To no one's surprise, anxiety is a big part of this. I don't have a lot of experience, and had none until recently. I couldn't get it up in individual encounters, and only managed to PiV once, but I felt I was never fully hard. To me, not knowing what to do about this gives me anxiety. It's always there. And of course that kills my erection, if I even manage to get one.
To give an example. Last night we were chatting in her bed. Eventually we started making out, and I touched her. I was fingering her and seeing and hearing her enjoy herself arouses me very much. I was hard. Then she said she wanted me inside her. Automatically my erection went down.
I guess this was a bit of journaling. She is very supportive and sweet, and we have talked about this. I guess mostly it's something I need to figure out in my head, but I would like more opinions, and any more "mechanical" tips, if you have them.
Thanks for reading. Have a nice day!