Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. We have basically been together all of high school and we graduated in May. I feel like it’s always hard to describe how amazing someone is to strangers because you don’t really know but my boyfriend is one in a million. He is so kind, he puts others first, he is always there for me and he loves his family and pets. He is a mommas boy so he is super in tune with his feelings and is easy to love and be best friends with. Here is the weird thing though:
He has always had the worst friends imaginable. When we were sophomores in highschool he was friends with the guys in the grade above us. These guys would say slurs and be offensive towards girls. Just not great people. My boyfriend does not act like this at all around me or his family and I know you may be thinking of course “he probably acts the same alone with them”. But genuinely he does not. I’ve been around him and his friends and he’s kind of annoying but he isn’t like an offensive weird guy around them he’s himself just annoying and more wreckless.
I told him I didn’t like his friends but I understand like we are in highschool and we went to a super small school like only 600 kids, so I understood he can’t just drop whoever he wants and find new friends because everyone knows eachother and it’s complicated. Then eventually his older friends graduated and he stopped hanging out with them so he had to find friends in our own grade.
He has now been friends with the worst group of guys I have ever met for the past year and a half. They are like a girlfriends worst nightmare. Why are they so bad? Let me go down the line. One of his friends who I will call John, took my friends virginity then took a video of her bleeding after and told everyone about it and sent the video to his groupchat of friends. John also lies about everything! He also dated one of my best friends a year ago and cheated on her and blocked her without breaking up. John also isnt even a good friend to my boyfriend, who considers him his best friend. Recently our friend groups went on vacation together and John literally beat my boyfriend up because he was jealous that my boyfriend was attracting more girls than him at this bar. He’s just jealous of my boyfriends relationship with me, is insecure, a liar, and disgusting. Oh and he also encouraged my boyfriend to cheat on me during a break we were having from eachother. And also john has tried to hook up with me after he learned me and my boyfriend broke up for a little like a year ago. They were friends at this time!
Another one of his friends who I will call Evan, is actually a sociopath, drug addict, alcoholic. He dated one of my best friends and when he was mad at her he was choke her hard and would drive drunk with her and almost kill her. She finally got out of that relationship and she still is affected by it. He also is a serial cheater and smokes weed every single day of his life and I think he is schizophrenic now because he is so violent and doesn’t make sense and he is always getting into trouble.
These are two of the guys out of four in the friend group. The other two guys I actually do like. They aren’t like perfect but I genuinely think they are nice and just shy guys trying to fit in with these assholes. The issue is my boyfriend is best friends with John.
I feel like this is really becoming a problem in our relationship because I told my boyfriend after highschool if he continues to be around guys like this in college I won’t want to be his girlfriend anymore because they fuck him over, they don’t make him a better person, and I am anxious and mad everytime he hangs out with them. He tries to defend them always but it upsets me because they have done so many bad things to people and when he is with them I just feel anxious. And I don’t want to resent my boyfriend for this but he was with them all weekend and I can’t help but just feel angry. Am I being controlling for this or how do I handle this situation because I don’t want to leave him over this but it also infuriates me because he is so naive and sweet and i don’t get why he is friends with them. Help.