Hi! I (25f) am feeling a tad bit sad about something today. The thought randomly crossed my mind and now Im thinking about it.
Tldr: my mom’s family is super crazy. I get sad when people talk about their good relationships with their family. I dont like them at all and I feel like theres something slightly wrong with me for feeling this way.
Prepare for a probably longish paragraph with random additions to show context n stuff because I can just never make anything short when I am storytelling!
I long for the feeling of having a nice extended family with good relationships. I grew up hearing other kids talk about their nice grandmas who treated them to like grandma presents and fun times hanging out. This always made me sad because I never had a grandma like that, although I do have a grandma. I am jealous of people who talk about doing things with their cousins and their family, while I do in fact have my own.
My mom (53ish f) and her whole family moved from New York to Florida at some point in the 90’s like all New Yorkers seemed to do at that time (unless it’s just Long Islanders but their friends etc all ended up in the same place which is kinda cray cray). I grew up with them very closely until I was 6 and my dad got a job opportunity and we moved to Alabama, and eventually the Midwest.
My mom’s family hates her for moving away. They always make it a point to let them know how disappointed they are that she didn’t stay in the same trashy small town in the center of all their drama. “You’re the oldest you should be the one taking care of mommy” (my 70something year old grandma) while all fighting for who gets to take care of her and get in close for whatever small amount of money she has to give when she goes.
When my great grandma was near her end, they all fought over her power of attorney and somehow never let us grandkids in my specific family (mom dad sister me) see any of the like $1k each we were supposed to get. We were not surprised, and I guess it wasn’t worth the drama to fight it. Related to that, they all have stolen all of her little heirlooms like jewelry and stuff, and my grandma had to very sneakily sneak my mom a pair of her grabdpas cufflinks for her to even be able to get something from her grandma.
They always made a point to rag on me for stuff when we would go visit, because I was quiet and shy. I was different, which can now be explained by the little touch of the tism that I have combined with the inattentive ADHD. They’d give my crap for not having my license as soon as everyone else, and one time my grandma even called me a lesbian because I had short hair. Last time we visited them, I was sitting with them in the porch area and they were all just having a shouting match and thats how they have conversations. It was waay too much and I had a panic attack and laid on the couch crying for an hour with the dog who laid on my (thank you dog, that really helped).
They are super trashy and cant even take care of their dogs. My aunt leaves them in their crate all day and every so often she’ll breed them and sell the babies. The other dog has a prolapsed uterus and severe allergies (her poor paws) and they wont even take her to the vet to fix it because she says its too much money. Not to mention she got the two cousins (like 8&10f at the time) dogs to take care of themselves and they didnt take care of them literally at all and you can guess what happened to them. (No, not the shelter).
My one cousin keeps on and off dating this drug dealer and posting like booty pics to display her strength as a woman I guess because thats literally what she does.
My aunt posts super sexual naughty posts on facebook which just grosses me out.
No hate but the other one got preggo at 16, 17, 19, and 21 with 3 different baby daddies and is now a lesbian and lives on a farm. Im only saying this to show what a rollercoaster this dang family is.
I have no desire to have relationships with them because I dont like them as people. I know the only connection we have is that we are related and thats kind of it at this point.
What should I do? Keep silently judging their facebook posts and just tolerating them when we go visit every five years or so?
Is it normal to feel this way?