Yes, we broke up. I initially was considering dating him again, but still continuing to live apart. At first, he was very apologetic, calling me a few times every day, telling me how sorry he was. The next day, he sent a string of texts where he promised to change many specific things about himself, in order to repair our relationship.
This all changed once I told him I wasn't going to immediately move back in with him. Just so I wouldn't forget, each time he phoned me, I typed out things he said in my notes app. Here are some examples:
"I didn't tell you to f\ck off. And I didn't say 'get out of my face.' I said 'get away from me.'"*
"Why do you always mis-remember things, and remember me in the worst way possible?"
"Nothing I do is ever enough for you." / "You don't love me anymore."
"I didn't call YOU (insert negative word here), I said you're BEING (insert negative word here)"
He said the points I was making were stupid, that I'm being crazy, illogical, that I'm showing my true colors, I'm acting like a victim, I'm delusional, I'm selfish. He said I was taking advantage of him, I was manipulating him, I'm lying to him. Doesn't believe me when I said I wasn't doing any of those things.
When I asked him to stop speaking to me in a demeaning way, he said that I deserved it, and when I asked him to stop negatively labelling me, he said "I call it like I see it."
Also, before all of this, I tried coming up with two solutions to make up with him. The first one was that he go to therapy, which he refused. The second one was that we should each write down our feelings on a piece of paper and give it to each other. He replied, "I'm not apologizing, and I'm not writing on a piece of paper, you can do it, but I'm not going to."
More things he said:
Him: Why are you painting me out to be a piece of sh\t?*
Me: I'm not. I'm explaining to you why I'm upset with you. What do you want me to do?
Him: Why don't you speak nicer to me?
Me: Why should I have to mince my words? I'm telling you exactly what you said and why I left. Why do you care how you look? No one is in this conversation except for us.
Him: It's about how YOU think of me.
Even more things he said:
Me: I need you to go to therapy if we want to make this work.
Him: YOU need therapy too.
Me: I've been in therapy since I was 18.
Him: I'm not going to sit in therapy and waste an hour of my life. I just sit there and play along with the therapist, but it doesn't actually work. Just because it works for you, and let's be honest, it doesn't 100% work for you sometimes, doesn't mean it'll work for everyone.
As for why he screamed in my face initially, he said lovely things like, "I can't explain it to someone who doesn't work, who's never had to deal with money, who's never had to allocate funds."
More quotes from him:
"If we are apart for too long, I'm NOT going to love you anymore. You have to move back in or I will stop loving you and move on, but I don't want that to happen because I still love you at this moment."
“You’re bringing me so much pain, I can’t believe this is how you want to end things. Its sickening. I hope one day you’re not missing me anymore, because I won’t take you back. Don’t come crying back. I will not take you back.”
Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post, and to the people who recommended the Lundy Bancroft book. It has confirmed everything I was thinking.