My fiancé and I (mid twenties) are getting married in August. He’s the love of my life. I’ve had a crush on him since freshman year of high school and I FINALLY get to marry him.
I’ve been going to therapy for a while to work through some parental issues I’ve had growing up and into my adult life. After lots of chatting with my therapist, I realized I don’t have a role model as to what a healthy, long lasting marriage should be like. Or, more sadly in my opinion, what a good mother should be like. I know what I DON’T want to be, but I don’t know what I should be. I have ideas of course, but I just feel horribly stuck.
What are your key takeaways for a successful marriage/parenthood?
Thanks so much <3
2 comments
Maybe r/marriage would be to your benefit. Most the people here can’t even get to the second date 😂
**Communicate -** Don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel, but also DON’T overload HIM WITH YOUR PROBLEMS. Be willing to address any issues, but don’t BE **COMBATIVE**. A relationship is between two partners, if he’s working a lot of hours, he wants to come home to a happy wife that he can go home to *RELAX*! But always communicate when there is a specific issue, but don’t PUSH him. Be honest, accept how he replies, but also be strong in your boundaries.
**Warmth -** Be **warm** and **affectionate**. To be completely honest, a lot of men nowadays are ’emotional.’ This stems from the fact that most men do not have strong masculine support groups to help men emerge as emotional rocks or they are coincidentally Mr. ‘Nice Guys’. Men must be emotionally indifferent so in the event something catastrophe happens, your man can handle it. So be the warmth that he needs you, be comforting, physical touches, tell him he’s cute/words of affirmation. A man has to be a monster, but a man also wants to be loved.
**Empathy/Tending to his Needs:** Now, before some woman/feminists get ‘triggered,’ by my words. Remember, a healthy marriage is one with sacrifices. I’m not asking you to get on your knees and suck the dudes balls dry even when you’re tired or sleepy. But even if you don’t want to do something for him. Be willing to just do it because you want to please him, and trust me your man would feel absolutely valued and content. Men are really simple… We want dinner, a quiet comfort/silence with our loved one, and sex.
**Support System -** Be willing to support and push him. Most men are ambitious and we believe in ourselves. Men must follow their purpose, but we also want a woman by our side that we can trust will have our backs. But that also means giving him space when he needs it.
**Practice Self Control & Be Open -** Everyone has bad days. But that means not taking it out on your partner. Practice self control and be vigilant in your patience. They always say patience is a virtue. So be open with your feelings but also be receptive if your man wants space or some time alone to process his interests, purpose, or goals. He may not always make time for you every day, but be there to show that you’re open and willing to give him any support that he needs. Be willing to be open to admitting mistakes when you make them as well. He’s a human, and he will make mistakes, and so will you. As a team, you must be willing to also bite the bullet and sometimes be willing to admit you’re wrong, (even if the consensus is that the woman is always right.)
There are many ways to truly have a healthy marriage.
But being a good wife is all based on respect, communication, love, trust, honesty, and just being by his side through the good and bad.