So I’ve been afraid to go back to dating because I have scars on my breasts and abdomen and it makes me very self conscious.
Last guy I dated said he was ok with me keeping my bra but there was one awkward moment when he couldn’t get it up (p.s. he had ED for many years so this wasn’t new) he kinda insinuated that it was my fault why he couldn’t get it up.
This was 4 years ago. And I miss having someone, I want to date and be intimate with someone again. Is it too much to ask of someone to let me keep my bra, can you be with someone and never see her boobs?
27 comments
At the end of the day it’s a boundary you have set for yourself, your SO should respect it.
I’m gonna be honest, if you don’t feel comfortable in your body with your partner or during anything that intimate you should work on self love before anything else.
Asking someone to never see a part of you like that is lacking trust. So yeah I’d recommend you find love for yourself first
I think that is was really unfair for the guy you dated to blame you for that or try to pressure you into doing something you didn’t want to do. If you are self conscious about your breasts, then I think telling your partner that is fine and they should be understanding. That said, I do think it is something you should work on within the context of a safe relationship. Hopefully you get to the point where you find someone you are comfortable enough with and that you trust enough to let them see that side of you. Best of luck
I think it was wrong of that dude to blame you for his problem.
Anyway, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I have my own insecurities and anxieties about myself, so I get it.
Wouldn’t be a problem for me.
Your ex was a dickhead. Most dudes will try their best to make you feel absolutely comfortable being naked around them AND most dudes have no issue with scarring or stretch marks. All boobs are good boobs!
Initially ya but it’d bother me after some time because I like how boobs can be involved in foreplay
Hard for someone to love you if you don’t love yourself. Work on that before you go into the bedroom.
FWIW, I had a mastectomy when I was 27 and silicone implants made me sick so I had them removed a few years ago so I literally have no boobs. But I love my legs and I cute butt. If you find someone who is uncomfortable with your body/boundaries, they’re not the person for you.
First things first – any boundary you set must be respected, regardless of what it is.
That said, if I’m building a relationship with someone and they’re insecure about themselves to the point where I can *never* see them completely naked, that would be a turn off. It would definitely get me inside my head. We’re already having sex regularly and building trust, but Im not allowed to see her tits? When can I? After 1 year? 5? 10? They’re just tits what could possibly be wrong? In my head. It’s something that, despite the fact that you have the right to set that boundary, will likely be perceived as strange by anyone who has sex with you more than like twice.
Don’t you think you’d have a way happier romantic (and sex) life if you found someone who loved your body, scars and all, rather than hiding it from one partner in constant fear?
I think you should work on yourself first. I don’t know how bad or big the scars are, but I do know that you can work it out and be able to enjoy your body 100%
I know it’s hard but I also had a major insecurity about a specific part of my body, I wouldn’t go to the beach and I wouldn’t wear certain clothes that I really wanted to. It didn’t bother me THAT much since I was single and nobody else saw my naked body. But when I started dating my boyfriend I knew that I had to make a change. It took me one year and also his help to realise that things like this doesn’t matter, now I can look in the mirror and accept every single part of my body and I can have sex in broad daylight and really enjoy it! Yes it is possible!
I breastfed and lost a ton of weight, my boobs look awful and are deflated/sagging for someone my age. I’ve been self conscious of it with every partner since they’ve changed. If it’s at the beginning of a relationship most guys don’t push it or care if I keep my bra on, but if I’m in a longer term situation then I’ve tried to go out of comfort zone and go w/o a bra. It gets easier and my BF has no qualms with them looking the way they do now. Do what makes you comfortable, if your partner can’t respect that then they don’t deserve to be your partner.
Wouldn’t be for me, sorry. Often leave the bra on when it’s sexy lingerie, yes, gladly. But never see the breasts of my girlfriend? No, I don’t do that.
Don’t look at it like you’re covering up your scars. Get a sexy lacy little thing that makes you feel even sexier and empowered. Trust me he won’t mind if you’re wearing one of those.
Well I mean I’d be the teenyist tinest but offended that she doesn’t trust or believe I’m in love with her
i keep bra on cause its uncomfortable having fresh air touch them and dangle on
its your body do what you want
What about lights off and bra off?
I would be fine with it but would be concerned that you don’t love yourself. It also may lead to trust issues after awhile.
I think you should probably try therapy. Scarring shouldn’t keep you from loving your body or wanting to share it with a trusted partner.
You don’t truly love someone until you can be naked in front of them. It’s a sign of deep trust. I would be sad if the girl I loved didn’t trust me enough to be naked in front of me.
No. She must buck naked. /S
I hope you find someone that loves everything about you dear, scars and all. You’d have nothing to worry about with many guys myself included.
I would be okay that a girl wanted to keep her bra on but I wouldn’t be okay that she felt I didn’t like her enough to not care about her scars.
If I didn’t like her enough to not be able to overlook some scars then we probably shouldn’t be together.
🙁 I like cuddling completely nude with girls so no. 🙁 🙁
I mean at first yeah but at some point I would expect to you to get comfortable enough with me to let me see. Otherwise if you’re not completely comfortable with me I wouldn’t see the point in continuing the relationship not because I’d be butthurt that you won’t show your boobs but because if you can’t be completely open with me about your insecurity then I won’t see myself as your person.
It has happened to me before and I was so happy I got to have sex at all, and so stressed out at the same time, that not a thought of complaining appeared in my head
Bi women here, and my ex pretty often keeps or shirt or at least her bra on due to dysphoria, never saw it as a problem. Currently in half a relationship with someone who isn’t gonna take hers off either, and I am fine with that. Is it someone’s preference? Probably not. Would someone be okay with it if makes you feel better? Yes, if that person really cares about you and is attracted to you otherwise. It is a turn off for some people, and that’s fine too.