Edit 1:
BECAUSE a lot of you are going off of assumptions. The house is in his name and his name only because we aren’t married and to eliminate the horror stories of buying a home with a gf/bf in the event of the split.
We BOTH own other properties. I OWN my own home & he has a rental. We don’t want to combine assets until we’re are married to avoid confusion.
He can afford the mortgage on this house while I pay mine until I get a renter.
EVERYTHING & I mean ALL furniture in this 4bed/4bath is mine. So he would literally be house poor if I took it all.
The purpose of the house is for a future for us so I will go on the deed once marriage occurs and that was a conversation WE had about us. He’d have to sell it if I left cuz he can’t fill it & it’d be too big for him alone. SO HAVING SAID THAT, I’m not a gold digger nor am I on a free ride cuz he would literally be sleeping on the carpet in this big ass house. Hard to believe I actually HAVE ASSETS & a safety net huh? ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY OR THE BOAT ITSELF. THATS LITERALLY WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY. Now back to why I’m upset. ……..
To start, we’ve (M35,F32) been dating over 4 years.
“We” just bought a house big enough for a future family, etc in April . We are not engaged, we are simply bf & gf. I’d like to get married & start on kids before my eggs are fried therefore, we’ve discussed & agreed on expectations. Our finances are separate until marriage so he pays the bills rn cuz the home is in his name until marriage as well.
Anyway, last week or two ago, he went fishing on a friends boat for the first time in over two years. After asking me what I thought about getting a boat , I stated we didn’t need one. Which WE DONT. Well he snuck around and bought a boat a week later & im livid over it. He knew I’d be upset but thought it was a “ she just doesn’t want me to have a boat “ reason when that isn’t true.
No the boat didn’t come out of my money.
No he doesn’t need my “permission”.
No , it’s not unaffordable .
It’s not about the boat itself or the money. I would’ve been fine with this purchase at a later date or after more discussion . It’s the principle that he’s quick to want to purchase expensive ass shit but I’m still playing house with no ring on my finger. Which for rn is fine but without the blatant purchase of a boat.
We had a huge blow up fight over it. He doesn’t see my point of view & I don’t feel like I’m giving it justice or even making sense because I’m so angry. We’ve discussed marriage at length, ring shopping etc, timelines at length so it’s not a topic we avoid.
That’s just the bigger issue of a few small ones. Coming from a townhouse, with no garage, I was excited to have a garage to have an area to do new hobbies in or maybe workout in at some point . He knows this. Well now that’s he’s put the boat in the garage it’s filled to the brim with majority of his stuff & half the garage is now inaccessible. I never wanted a full ass garage & we’re only a month into the house. I now have to look at this huge item that I see as a slap in the face & im angry all over again.
I’m so angry & frankly hurt because I don’t feel like my thoughts , feelings, or desires were taken into account. His thought process is that if he’s purchasing it, with his money, & it’s not affecting how we live, why should I care? With no room for feelings or emotions inbetween. I mean, this is why you discuss big purchases with your partner right?
I just don’t understand why he had to have the boat now & not after discussing the deeper reason I’d be upset over the purchase & the garage space etc. Had we had more discussion around it & understanding then it could’ve been something we both could’ve enjoyed . Instead, I just see it a big ass boat of resentment on my end & a strong hate.
I’m still fuming mad.
I’d like to know if I’m overreacting and if requesting he put it in storage is unreasonable.
Before you comment, please don’t overgeneralize my man based on this decision. I’m incredibly pissed at him but he’s a good man OVERALL .