what are your thoughts on the whole ‘opposites attract’ especially in romantic relationships?

32 comments

  4. In some aspects it’s great, like when their strengths are your weaknesses and vice versa. But if you’re too different, it’ll be a disaster.

  5. I think it’s a balance. My worst relationship was someone who was extremely similar to me. I’ve also dated my opposite and it doesn’t go well either. Someone in between the two would probably be the best match I think. I think this extends to everyone else too.

  6. I feel like it’s misunderstanding a better concept, that differences compliment and enrich us.

  8. Can work with opposite personalities (e.g. timid vs easy going, see how it goes vs plan everything) or different interests/hobbies (e.g. indoor vs outdoor). But not for values. Values should allign IMO (e.g. pro-choice—pro-choice, pro-life—pro-life).

  10. i think it’s really damaging to implement this into peoples ideas of what a relationship looks like or should be like because they are “opposites”.

    it can lead to an unequal partnership and power imbalance. it can do both good and bad but that just depends on the person and their relationship they’re in

  12. I think it depends on the type of opposite. I was with a guy who didn’t like anything that I like, obviously that didn’t work.

    Now it’s a guy who is more of a mirror opposite. We balance each other. His strengths are my weaknesses, and vice versa. It works really well.

  13. Often true, but depends on the lens you’re looking through. People can be very similar in most ways but fundamentally incompatible in others. Different personality types can pull out good or bad things in a partnership, and it can really depend on the individuals. And I think someone who seems very different from oneself can be more exciting early in a relationship so that probably elevates interest for many.

    I dated someone once who was very similar to me but in all the worst ways, so we only amplified each other’s poorer qualities. Meanwhile, my husband seems very opposite to me in personality to outsiders, but we have very similar goals and hobbies and very complementary ways of going about life so it’s all quite easy. So hard to say which side of the “opposites attract” argument we’re proving or disproving.

  15. Me (22F) and my ex (25M) had a good run together for 18 months, we were opposites in many ways. We broke up because of… incompatibility lol. Should’ve seen that coming. We are so attracted to each other and we’ve remained awesome friends but ultimately we can’t see a happy skip-off-into-the-sunset marriage etc when we have opposite values and personalities. So in my experience the “opposites attract” mentality is all fun and games until you start to think about settling down/ or the long term future together

  16. The idea, in my opinion, comes from the fact that we are looking for people with certain degree of differences, because this is what makes people interesting for us, what let’s us develop and understand more in our lives.

    But what actually attracts is a good dose of similarities with noticable differences, not simply opposites.

  17. They do work at times. But opposites should be like “she’s messy”, “he’s neat”, not people who have previously hated each other. I know many people with long and happy “opposites attract” kind of relationships.

    Sometimes when you’re *too* similar, you can clash in a bad way.

  18. OP, thanks for asking. I think that any « opposites attract » or « choose similar » should be considered as bullshit, just as any other romantic « recommandation » (is this word even correct english 🤔?). Girls, identify your needs, know what you LIKE and WANT, then go for it 😊 !

  20. I think the idea “opposites attract” can be very true, only if those differences are small or insignificant . BUT if those differences between the two individuals are significant (either in general, or significant to one or both) it will not work most of the time. This is why values are big thing to bring up at beginning stages of ANY relationship. (IMO of course)

  21. It depends on what type of opposites. I think people who have *opposing* values are not opposites; they have fundamental differences. (Esp. kids, finances, family values, etc.)

    I think an introvert and an extrovert are a really common example of “opposites attract” that does work. I am the introvert and my partner is the extrovert. We have a blast going to parties and meeting up at the end to exchange notes.

  22. It’s total nonsense. My partner and I constantly joke that we’re the same person because we have so many similarities in personality, morals, interests, opinions and so on. We do have different strengths and weaknesses though so it balances out. It’s the best, healthiest, happiest relationship I ever have been in, and I can’t imagine a better one.

  23. I think it works if someone is more grounded and someone is more a dreamer, it brings balance into it. However when I was growing up in a religious household, they hammered in the ‘opposite attract’ idea to mean gender so I really dont like it tbh.

  24. It either makes for a harmonious and healthy relationship or a violently emotional rollercoaster of love-hate, toxicity and abuse. It all depends on how y’all communicate.

  27. idk. usually i like guys who are similar in personality to me, and physically, i go for tall, skinny guys. unfortunately, the sweet, quiet, considerate men seem to go for the women who the very opposite of them/me… whether it works out in the long run for those relationships, idk, but even if i dated someone “my type” i would always wonder if they’d like me or secretly want someone totally opposite

  28. They do not attract but sometimes they suit each other very well. My S/O and I react very differently in our lives (he’s more the Cartesian, I’m quite impulsive, etc), but we temperate each other and that’s great.

  30. My husband is pretty feminine for a straight man. He will wear skinny jeans, Yeezys, Chanel, watch the kardashians, get his hair done and has a lot of gay friends. Sometimes we share perfume. We are very alike and for me personally it leads to a bond much closer. He will help me dress in the morning, give good input in “girl problems.”

    That being said, we definitely have our differences and that is what leads to arguments sometimes. Some opposites are good some are bad, depending on the person.

    One of you likes pop the other likes rap

    Good difference

    One of you has never touched alcohol or drugs the other likes to drink and smoke marijuana

    *Possibly* a bad difference

  31. I don’t think it holds any weight, really. My first partner – we were very fairly similar, but it was in all the ways that don’t matter in a long term relationship. We had an amazing honeymoon period. It ended up being a terrible marriage. We would have made better friends, prior to the marriage.

    My current partner and I are more similar to each other, but not in the sense that we have the same tastes. Like, we don’t even listen to the same music. There’s a little overlap where we can create an enjoyable playlist to listen to together. We do share a picture of what a healthy relationship looks like, though.

    We’ve been together for a few decades now. We still wake up early in the morning, have our coffee together and talk like we just met. We have actually grown more similar over the years.

  32. I think we like those who have our good traits and dislike those who have our bad traits. So you need to find someone who complements you and has what you lack.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like