What messed-up thing happened to you as a kid that you only realized was serious when you got older?

34 comments

1. On a sleepover at a friend’s house, her father masturbated over me. I had been asleep and woke up to strange sounds

2. The “pull your pants down game” I played with my dad.

3. Both my parents worked full time jobs – they were nurses so lots of crazy shifts, opposite schedules, late hours, etc so they had a close friend’s mother and father watch us before and after school – they were basically like grandparent figures.

   They were tasked with waking us up and getting ready for school and, I don’t remember when it started, but the “grandpa” started coming into my room to wake me up without “grandma.”

   I was in elementary school so of course I wanted to sleep in. The man, in my half awake state, started licking and sucking my fingers until I woke up. He then would stay in the room and watch me undress and change into my school clothes.

   All I remember thinking, “Oh this feels wrong and weird…” I was confused but never said anything about it. I am almost positive nothing went beyond that and if it did… I hope I never remember.

   This went on for a while and we would see this guy at family and friends’ parties throughout the years. Finally my mom and dad cut off all contact with them because apparently when my dad was at work and my sibling and I were at school, he came to the house to see my mom and he tried to kiss her.

   People are fucking disgusting.

4. My 6th grade teacher would often pull me out of class (from kinder-6th grade) and take me to his house. He would take me to costume stores and have me try on the clothes in front of him. He would buy me ice cream and ask me for a kiss to see if my grandma would “be able to tell if I had any”. He showed me naked pictures of him as a kid and photos of him where his bulge looked big. My family didn’t think this was weird at all. Nobody seemed stressed or panicked about it, so I figured it was fine. He would also do this with my older sisters. I have vague visions of being naked and him being naked in a bedroom and classroom. I can’t tell if they’re blacked out memories that my brain is slowly piecing together or if my mind is just being awful. I can’t believe it has happened as an adult. It took me being an adult to think back on it and hate the people who let it happen.

5. When I went to primary school in Europe, I was force fed by two teachers because I didn’t eat as much lunch as they thought I should. I was already full, but they’d keep me there, made me miss class and told all the other that I was being a spoiled brat. They asked me “isn’t this humiliating for you? Isn’t it better if you just obey and eat?” and eventually 7 year old me eventually was yeah I guess and gave up and ate.

   I developed bulimia shortly after and got overweight, and it wasn’t until I was way older that it kinda hit me that ohhhhhhh THAT’S why my relationship with food is fucked.

6. Emotional neglect from both parents

7. Is it bad that the more I think about it, the more things I remember?

   At age 8 an old guy chatted me up while I was waiting to be picked up from swimming lessons. He asked me to show him the change rooms, where we luckily ran into my swimming teacher who told me to stay close to them and not go out alone while the guy kept lurking at the entrance of the swimming pool.

   At age 10 (?) a friend played “house” with me. He insisted we sleep in bed naked as couples do then tried to insert himself… I pushed him off. Just occurred to me this could have been a huge deal if I had understood what happened. It remains in my mind as a situation where I said no and it worked. So in a way it’s a positive?!

   At age 11 men 20 and up would chase and harass me whenever I went into town (maintaining I looked legal, which I partially believe… I remember one of them actually almost fleeing the scene when he realized I wasn’t joking when I told him I was 11. He went all white) offering me sexcapades to different cities or just touching me without permission. That in itself was already traumatizing, it’s also where learned saying no means jackshit. But the thing that really harmed me was when I brought this to my parents attention. All they said was “well if it’s really an issue we can’t let you leave the house anymore. So how bad is it truly?”. That was probably the last time I confided in my parents.

8. Dad wasn’t just “feeling sick” in the bathroom. He was coming down from his heroin and cocaine binge puking his guts out.

9. Being groomed at 13 by a 20 year old and being in a relationship with them until I was 16.
   I now have a daughter and if any man came near her of that age they would be in jail. It took me to become a parent and realise how brainwashed and fucked up that whole situation was. I was just a child.

10. When I was around 7 or 8, I has my tennis practice but was there a bit early, so I sat on a bench to wait. It was a bit off from the tennis fields so not many people around. An old guy (in his 60s) sat next to me and started chatting, asking what my name was, how old was I, what I was doing there. I answered all the questions because I thought he was also just waiting for something and he was just being friendly. I was looking straight ahead the whole time at the tennis court where some kids were playing.

    Then I looked down a bit and I saw that he had his penis out and was playing with it. I didn’t understand what that meant or that it had anything to do with me and I just turned my eyes away and remained sitting because I didn’t know what the hell was I supposed to do. Eventually I got up and went to practice and he remained there.

    It all lasted just a few minutes and I had no idea what happened or why. I didn’t even think it was traumatic or anything, I was just confused.

11. My mother came home drunk and beat the s*** out of me with a wooden spoon when I was ~8 or so. We’re talking cracking me across the face with it, bruises all over my face, back, chest.

    At the time, I just thought parents occasionally did horrible things to their kids. My dad was constantly telling stories of how his alcoholic father beat him all the time, so I guess I thought I was lucky that it had only happened once.

    As an adult, I have realized (1) she drank all the time in her 20s and early 30s because she had 4 kids plus a disabled step-kid, my dad was always gone and barely helped her with the kids, and she hated her life; (2) child services should have been called she should have gone to jail.

12. Dad used to rub my breasts sensually when I started developing them at age 9. Mom was in the room. One time dad left hard-core porn on the computer and she called me downstairs to take it off bc she didn’t want to look at it. I was 14.

13. I’ve actually just been having a good cry over a realization I just put together at 46. When I was 10 I gained weight and have been overweight since. My dad and stepmom abused me and a big component of it was my weight. Had really serious impact on my self esteem, felt unlovable.

    When I was 19 I was diagnosed with PCOS, explains the weight which by then was further hurt by emotional eating. Between family and society I have felt less than a woman- lazy and gross and fat (oh, but with a great personality!)

    My entire life I’ve pretty much been asexual- men never gave me attention and even when they would my mind wouldn’t shut up enough to make it fun. I had just decided I guess I wasn’t supposed to have a life with a sexual side and since I had no libido- even better.

    My sister was diagnosed with PCOS only about 8 years ago, and the other day she mentioned at her drs with a new medication she’s trying that she felt like her libido had come back, and the dr said “you know PCOS impacts sex drive…” and all of a sudden it connected- no doctor had ever asked me about my libido and since in my mind I was fat, ugly and shameful i never considered my body may not be playing its part correctly.

    I’m so sad that for over 25 years of my adult life I just accepted the mind trap my father and stepmom laid and it’s potentially cost me a huge part of my life missing out on a chapter.

14. My dad’s friend persuading me to take my bikini top off.

    We were on the beach, our fist family vacation with 3 of my dad’s coworkers and their families. I was 7yo and remembered it just a year ago. Told my dad, he got hella mad but luckily for that piece of shit, they lost contact long ago.

15. When I was in my mid teens, the amount of time me or my friends would have guys in their 20s try get in our pants was crazy. I did realize until I hit 20 how stupid we were to think that was normal.

16. Fingers inserted in me every time I went to the pediatrician when I was little. Thought it was normal

17. When I was a kid, I was the only female cousin out of many guy cousins. When we’d all be together at family parties, my oldest cousin C would recommend we play hide and seek. Every time we would play, he’d make me hide with him. Usually in a closet. And he’d make me lay down on my stomach while he laid on top of me and dry humped me. When I was a kid I knew I didn’t like what he was doing and I didn’t want to hide with him, but as an adult I realize what he was doing actually was wrong as fuck

18. SA by an uncle.

19. My 4th grade teacher who was an amazing teacher offered to babysit me and my parents really liked her so said yes… when bedtime came she pressured me to first sleep with her in her bed, and then began to ask me why I wore pajamas to bed and didn’t sleep naked like she did… I didn’t understand at the time but knew I was uncomfortable and insisted that I sleep in her guest bed and insisted that I didn’t like to sleep naked. I think she knew I wasn’t going for it, and I did sleep in her guest bedroom with my pajamas on. I think she knew to back off at that point, thank goodness. I told my mom but she didn’t know what to and regrets that she didn’t do anything about it… I was definitely her teacher’s pet. Now that I have a 5 year old myself, I am very protective. Man or woman, there are sexual predators everywhere. Again this was a beloved teacher. My mom didn’t want to cause any drama and no abuse occurred but coercion and attempted grooming definitely occurred that night. I didn’t relive and kind of blocked out the incident until my early 30’s. This occurred in 1997.

20. My dad was always drunk driving. He would pick me up from home and just drive. We were in an accident on the highway. He hit someone’s car and then walked to the store. I started running behind him, and he turned around and asked, “Where did I come from?” Like he was so drunk, he didn’t realize I was in the car with him. Drinking and drinking and no seat belts were normalized in the 80s/early 90s.

21. When I was in third grade a guy told me that he was going to rape me. I didn’t know what that meant at the time. Also grown men hitting on me when I was a teenager. I didn’t realize how wrong that was until after high school.

22. At 13 being groomed by a 32 year old man.

23. I was groomed at 15 by a much older man. He’d done it before to much younger girls too. I really didn’t recognise or acknowledge it until a few years ago. The whole thing was really messed up and changed the course of my life forever.

24. Internet was newly available. AOL chat rooms. Met an older, foreign adult “friend” from across the country. After getting to know each other in a seemingly innocent way, he offered to send me a digital camera so I could show him pictures of my part of the country and myself (since I didn’t have one, and was interested in photography). I literally gave him my address. Thankfully nothing ever came of it and eventually I told my parents. I think I told him that I told my parents, and he backed off and we lost contact.

25. That burnt spoons and lighters in the bathroom weren’t normal for every family.

26. I was recently talking to a friend about how annoying it was as a child to get “that matted patch of hair at the back of your neck that you can’t run a brush through”.

    She kinda went quiet and was like “that’s a really common sign of neglect in children, hairdressers are taught to look out for it” and I was like ooooooh ya checks out.

    My parents had it be my responsibility to brush my own hair from a very young age, and when I didn’t because of sensory issues, they just didn’t really take over. The matts would take hours detangling in the shower.

    My Dad also always joked about how I would never brush my teeth aged 7-8 when I was at his house, calling me nicknames like “grannie green teeth” and “stig” and saying how gross it was. Now, as a parent myself, I’m like…oh…that’s neglect of hygiene needs. He was the parent and he should have taken over 🥲

27. When I was between 14-17 my mom would dress me in her clothes, usually something form fitting and tight, with 6 inch platform heels and would take me to her friends parties where the average person was in their 40-50’s. Some friends had a stripper pole in the living room and she would encourage me to ‘play’ on the pole and dance for the guests.

28. Older brother’s friends came over to hang out. One of the boys started touching me below. I was around 7. Wasn’t quite sure what was going on, just remember feeling really uncomfortable.

29. I was molested. Like, a lot.

30. My mom attempted suicide when I was 15, and when she was in the hospital, my dad took that opportunity to leave. I was left there with my much younger brother. I had no money for food, no car…and this was days after Christmas. I’ve been recently thinking about this and how my dad was an absolute piece of shit for abandoning us at that time, especially since I’m a mom now and I could never abandon my daughter like that when she’s already in a traumatic situation.

31. There’s a lot. Let’s go with pack this one cardboard box, I’m taking you somewhere, I can’t tell you where. That turned into four years of being on the run, legal name changes, and my mother effectively kidnapping me from my father, who then tried to kidnap me back, was arrested, and I became a news story.

32. Being in a 18 month long “relationship” with an 18 year old when I was 13. It was never hidden in any way, every single adult in my life knew and none of them ever said or did anything to try and stop it happening. I would go and stay over at his mums house every weekend where we’d all take drugs together, including his mum. One time we were all in his dads car and he said “all that (child molesters name) has to do to get a girlfriend is offer her a lollipop” and we all laughed like it was the most hilarious joke in the world. I had a pregnancy scare and the fully grown adult workers at the youth club I went to (who also knew the child molester well) took me to a sexual health clinic to get a test done, never showing any concern about the fact that this 18 year old man had possibly impregnated a child. He used to come and pick me up from school in his car, I was in year 9 and all my classmates would gather round at the school gates thinking it was really cool I had this older “boyfriend”, none of my teachers seemed to find this out of the ordinary. He was a bodybuilder who also played for a semi-professional football team. 

    I only started to realise how fucked up this all was decades later when my own daughter turned 13. I’d look at her being silly with her friends, acting like an awkward adolescent, doing things like just sitting on the sofa watching iCarly and eating sweets and it made me realise just how young I actually was when this happened. If she ever tried to bring home an 18 year old I would hit the fucking roof and call the police. I would also, more importantly, support my daughter, listen to her, be there for her and get her help for being groomed and abused by a perverted piece of shit. 

33. When I was 16 I worked part-time at a grocery store. One of the 30 year old men who worked there took an interest in me and constantly asked for my number, asked me to hang out after work etc. I wasn’t interested so I’d always politely decline, but didn’t really give much thought to the age gap. I remember one day I complained to my slightly older female coworker that he kept bugging me for my number. I guess she told the owner (it was a small independent store) and the guy was fired. I remember the owner taking me aside that day and telling me to let them know if anyone is ever making me feel uncomfortable – which was great, but I didn’t really get it at the time. And for a really long time I felt bad that I got this poor guy fired over an innocent crush. I regretted telling anyone about it and felt like I was gossiping and screwed up this poor guy’s life.

    Now that I’m 29 I can’t believe that this grown man was even interested in talking to a 16 year old girl. I’m glad he got fired and I’m still thankful to my coworker and the owner for looking out for me like that

34. I didn’t realize until I was an older teenager that the way my parents met (and their ages at the time) meant that my “father” groomed an abused my mom until she gave in, married him (once she was legal), then immediately began abusing her.

    I saw *so much* growing up that was so fucked up now that I look back on it. I didn’t know it was wrong that my father had been my mom’s teacher, had been married at the time but left his wife for a literal teenager who didn’t know he was setting up a trap for her.

    It took her over ***twenty years*** to leave because he set it up so she was completely dependent on him (no adult life before him meant nothing to go back to/starting over from nothing with three children).

    Thankfully, we all got out eventually, but I remember the first time I actually **thought** about it and the absolute horror and dread that filled me.