Wife and I have been together for all our adult lives (well over a decade). She always expressed attraction towards women, but has never had sex with one.
I generally found the subject hot, as a fantasy, or potentially as a gateway to threesomes, which I think could be fun.
However, over the last few years, the conversation has shifted towards her wanting to experience this alone, at least for the first time (as a single occurrence), and then either continue our monogamous relationship, or open it up to threesomes with other women if the experience does confirm her bisexuality.
I haven't been able to say yes to this. It bothers me to consider her alone with another person, regardless of them being a man or a woman. I've brought up the idea of making the experience exclusively about her and me just being there for support and to be a part of it, but she says she'd feel too self-conscious and wouldn't be able to experience this the way she wants to. So we are at a stalemate.
I'm super conflicted. I want her to be happy and experience her whole range of sexuality. I also don't want her to resent me for not being able to experience being with another woman the way she wants to. But when I think of her alone having sex with someone else, even if it turns me on to think of her with a woman, I get uncomfortable to the point of feeling a bit nauseous.
Does anyone have any suggestions to help us get out of this impasse? Is this a topic where sex therapy can help? Or is there some way to ease into this to make us both more comfortable?
As additional information, I would point out that our sex life hasn't been the best through our marriage. She had a traumatic experience while we were dating (she went to therapy and we had couples therapy to deal with this and other topics), and at some point years ago she went on antidepressants, which lowered her libido meaningfully (though with the years she has recovered it a bit).
We also became parents over the last year, so our relationship focus has changed. I think that going ahead with what she suggests might help reignite things and open up a new phase of our life, but I can't shake the feelings of jealousy/insecurity/whatever it is holding me back.