Hi folks, I need genuine help here. I'm super confused. My wife (F) and I (M) got married a year ago. Both of us are in our early 30s. I am kind of an introvert, so I never asked women out before. I was also focusing on my career as much as I could. My wife is an extrovert, and that's something I really liked about her. She has been in relationships before (5+), whereas I have had none. That also means she was sexually active with others before marriage, but I have no experience in matters of intimacy.
We initially connected on an app and, after talking and dating for a while (close to 1 year), decided to get married. There were many red flags on my part and on hers. For example, she is a cleanliness freak, and I am not so much. Also, if she does not like something, she yells. She claims it's warranted because I am lazy, but I absolutely hate it. There are other red flags and characteristics as well, which I can go into detail about if you'd like. Despite all this, there is still affection for each other.
The problem is in the bedroom. It's dead. My wife is obese (going by BMI), whereas I am thin. And as I mentioned before, I am inexperienced. Before marriage, when we tried getting intimate, given her obesity, it was difficult for me to achieve any sort of penetration. I communicated this to her clearly. She promised to hit the gym and get fit. I started going to the gym myself, mainly to keep her motivated. Nothing changed on her part. The date of marriage arrived. I was in a confused state (given the number of red flags/incompatibilities in the relationship, such as yelling, my cleanliness, etc.), but I genuinely liked her nature (she is straightforward in most cases and really cares a lot for me), so we got married.
We managed to get intimate (like half penetration) on the night of the marriage, but that was it. No penetration since, however hard I try. I do not even get hard looking at her. She is super sad that we cannot get intimate. I tell her to lose weight, which she does not like. She alludes to the fact that her past partners did not have a problem with her weight. I tell her that they probably used her for sex (which I think was the case because in none of the relationships did the guy agree to marry her, even though she proposed marriage to them). So that is the situation right now. She won't lose weight despite my best encouragements because she thinks there is nothing wrong with her. I do not get a boner looking at her. As a virgin in the marriage, with a super high sex drive, I have to resort to porn to satisfy myself, which I obviously do not prefer. Neither of us want to cheat or have an affair. Both of us fully trust each other.
What do you guys think? (Happy to provide any additional context regarding finances, babies, the situation we got married in, basically any other information you would need to give the right advice) Thanks in advance!