Edit: I want to be clear that I never tell him he isn't hard enough for me or say anything at all about some unmet expectations I have. I tell him I find him sexy and I want to make him feel special.
I'll make this quick but I have been married to my husband for a year and a half. We are both 31. I have a sexual history I am not proud of and was controlling my life until I became Christian and started cultivating values. But that's just some back story, and I wonder if it's part of the problem. I've been a connoisseur of sex as a sport since teen years. It's sad actually, and because my mom was addicted to drugs and my dad had mental health issues I began looking for safety somewhere/anywhere, and distraction. And also needed a lot of stimulation/dopamine release to feel anything from being born into chaotic household.
My husband has had sex with 10 people (his words to me). I have had a lot of experiences in comparison and a very dysfunctional relationship to sex that I am working on. Neither of us watch pornography so just wanted that to be clear here. Yep, temptation exists, but we choose not to.
Here's my issue. I want to have sex 5 times a week. I'd have sex every day actually. Physical intimacy helps me to feel close and connected. I just feel kind of blah with our sex life. I initiate most of it. He gets hard but not like hard enough and it doesn't really feel like there is a lot of sensation until he is about to orgasm and his penis is its hardest.
I don't know if it's me. I don't know why he doesn't want to have sex more. I'm just sexually frustrated and bored maybe? Not bored of him, I wouldn't have sex with someone else if given the opportunity. I don't even think about anyone else. I just feel like I don't know how to get his sexual affection. I've always been told I'm attractive. I've never had problems with exciting past partners. I feel like something's wrong with me/our dynamic? Maybe he just doesn't think I'm as sexy as other women/ he is bored with me lol.
Makes me sad just really not sure I guess I need to vent. How can I at least make him harder for me??
I mean I've told him we can do ANYTHING. He knows I'd try anything with him. Nothing with other people involved but I'd be happy to try any position, touch him any way, buy a sex swing, get sex accessories… but he said he just likes regular sex. Idk.
Edit: he doesn't know about all the past experiences I've had. I've never told him my sex experiences/stories, or body count. I've explicitly told him I wish I could have a different past, and I am sad about my sexual experiences. I don't flaunt them in his face.