So I (27) started dating someone (46). After about 3 dates he told me he’d delete his dating profile. I didn’t ask him to do that. I didn’t bring it up. He did it all on his own. I was happy about it because i really liked him. Days later I went online to delete my profile and saw that he still had his profile up and running.
I got insecure and became increasingly insecure due to what happened and the fact that I had been previously dating someone prior and we got serious and he always praised me but I came to find out that he had a dating profile.
So with this new one I guess it all came back to me and it hurt and it hurt. I wanted to make sure that he is a man of his word and not messing with my emotions. He’d always he’d delete it but he never did. I ended up checking his phone notifications (he has a password) to try to figure out if he is seeing someone else. Anyway, I can understand that he’d be upset about me checking his phone. I only saw what was in the pop up notification screen.
He knows he can go in my phone anytime he wants. He wanted time. I have him time to process what happened. He’d go on his profile. Couple weeks later I gave him the “we need to talk text” so we can figure where we stood. I told him what I want and why i did it. He still wanted time.
This week I wanted to know if he still wants me and if he is stringing me along because he went back to calling me sweetheart and answering me the same sweet way he used to whenever I called him babe.
He said he doesn’t want to feel uncomfortable in his house (fair enough) but I also need him to show me that his words mean something. We are, I guess, broken up because he said he’s not sure he will ever get past it. It’s the first time I ever went through someone’s phone. I know that if he has deleted his profile I absolutely wouldn’t have felt the need to investigate. I just don’t want to get played again. Besides that, he was sweet to me and I cooked while he rested. I enjoyed cooking for him. I would like us to give each other a real chance. I would have rather him say “I know I said what I said but I think we should take it slow since it’s only been a few weeks.” I would have agreed and understood and would have been okay with him keeping the profile active a little longer.
Help. I don’t want things to end.
Tdlr; He did not keep his word about deleting the dating profile so I checked his phone notifications. Did not actually get into his phone due to it being locked. He has an issue with that. Gave him time. Now says he is not sure he can get past it. Help.
5 comments
He told you (unprovoked) that he was going to delete his profile for you and then didn’t actually do it. You, rightfully, didn’t trust him because he proved that he’s a liar and now he’s mad at you.
This is the type of guy you need to run far away from. The type of guy who lies to you unprovoked by promising you things you didn’t even ask for and then gets mad when you expect him to actually keep the promise he made. Run, don’t walk, far far away from this guy.
You’ve got to work through your insecurities, making future people pay for what past people have done is a recipe to end up perpetually alone.
Testing someone isn’t how you verify if they’re honest or trustworthy. You can’t build a relationship and connection off of deceit and skepticism.
If he doesn’t fully break it off, you should probably move on anyway until you can get yourself in a better place where you can navigate your uncertainty and insecurities without violating someone’s privacy.
The fact that you went to his phone first, rather than the conversation with him regarding the profile would be a serious red flag.
You know a woman his own age would have dumped him for being a liar by now…
So do you have an actual question here? If you’re asking if you should continue with him, obviously the answer is “no”. I think you should see a therapist for your own issues.
Lmao you think a guy should immediately focus all his attention on you (that’s what deleting the profile after THREE dates actually means).. Are you also going to move in after four dates, and engaged after five? This is ridiculous behavior and absurd expectations on both your parts. You went through his phone after THREE dates? I’d have ghosted you then and there. He should know better than to continue talking to you at this point, and that is his fault. Neither of you are right and you’re both behaving badly here.