So let’s kinda start from the beginning. This is kind a long one so I’m sorry in advance
Let’s go back to a couple of weeks ago.
My girlfriend was telling me about her family situation. I won’t get into all the personal details because its not my story to share, however during this conversation she randomly says to me “and I don’t want your opinion on it, cause it’s not gonna make me feel better, RESPECTFULLY”. I couldn’t help but to feel hurt by this but kept my pride aside for a while because of the fact she was hurting because of all of it.
Fast forward a few hours later, I mentioned it to her how I personally found it kinda rude that she shot me down when all I was doing was listening and comforting her.
She then said “That’s why I said respectfully because I knew you’d get mad”
I tried to explain to her that just because you say something along the lines of “no offense” does not mean that I don’t have my personal feelings behind it.
It then spiraled from there and she ended up moving into another room just to get away from me.
I tried to go talk to her and calm her down and she kept screaming at me to “leave her the fuck alone”. I told her that if she wanted she could go because I didn’t want to bring anymore bad energy.
She then got mad and said “you never fucking fight for me ever”. I then got upset and said “Okay, I want you to stay then”
We then went back to my room and she laid down on the floor
I asked her how she was and she said “Not good because you won’t let me leave”.
I told her “Well, you can leave”
She then said “if I leave we are done”
I then of course was confused so I said “then please don’t leave”
She then ran to my bathroom and grabbed a big dagger that I kept under the sink and said “okay, then I know you’ll let me leave now” and she kept getting closer to me with a knife. I grabbed her wrist because I genuinely was scared and she fought with me over the knife.
After that was over she said “I hope there’s a mark on me so that I can tell the police “
She then ran to my closet , for context I have a katana in there so she ran and tried to grab the katana so I had to keep her from grabbing that too.
After that I told her to get the fuck out and blocked her on everything because I was genuinely done with her
A few hours later she came banging at my door crying, BEGGING ME TO LET HER IN.
After several minutes I finally did (yeah pretty dumb right?)
We strangely enough ended up making up and then we were “fine again”
A week later we get into a fight again. I was extremely frustrated at this point because it’s like the cycle was repeating itself. I don’t even remember what the fight was a bout but I know we got on the conversation of breaking up.
Of course this didn’t last long before she said “so you’re just gonna say fuck all our memories”
I then of course decided to give it. ANOTHER CHANCE.
Fast forward to last week. I noticed a text on her phone saying that people were texting her from a dating app. I looked through all the messages and she never flirted with these people, whoever she tried to delete everything .
I of course found this alarming so I said we should be done. She then said “I feel extremely fucking. Guilty but I never flirted or sexted any of them”
This pissed me off so fucking much but per usual. I gave her another chance.
Now it comes to today. A sweet pet of mine passed away yesterday and she mentioned she wanted to come help me bury her.
Now today is here and she made it such a big deal that she had to come. Even times where I wanted to just talk about things she said “you’re wasting my time, let’s just go get it done”. This extremely hurt.
After all of it was over we started fighting again. And again it was over me saying that it hurts when she Doesn’t care because this genuinely was very important to me.
I’m just genuinely so confused about everything. But every time I try to leave we end up crying and missing the fuck out of eachother.
I know I’m apart of the problem for keeping it going. It just seems like only when she thinks things are going to end that’s she apologizes for everything. And me being the empath that I am, I always end up feeling so bad for her.
It’s important to note that, I do truly love this girl, even after all this shit, however I. Just hate how it’s always a cycle and it always ends up with us back at square one. Genuinely I don’t WANT anything to end but it seems it always ends up in that direction
It’s also important to note that when we were talking earlier “after we made up of course” she mentioned that because I wanted to leave she wrote a suicide note for me and was planning to take her own life
I am in love, I just don’t know what to do. I do HOPE we can fix this and be better. However it seems there’s been a few too many times where I’ve had that mentality
But that the end of this rant, I love you all and hope you guys find the happiness you all deserve :).