We meet at a party and we instantly hit off.
At that day, we were both on mdma, so when I went to the bathroom he was looking in the mirror, then looked at me and said you can barely see the blue in my eyes. When I walked in the bathroom I noticed him and thought he was cute and even foreigner.
At the time I was ending things with my ex, because he cheated on me on a trip and was a gaslighter/ manipulator so I was emotionally drained and tired…
That night my now boyfriend followed me around the party and said to me “are you really gonna let our love story die tonight?” To which I replied “listen, if you wanna fuck me, save the bullshit and tell me what you really want from me” and so he asked me if I’d been hurt and I told him I’d been cheated on. We had a talk about other stuff while he constantly hit on me and asked if he could kiss me. And I said no, because even though my ex was a shithead I couldn’t do that to someone. I gave him my insta and went home.
I broke up with my ex and a few days later I went on a date with him.
It was amazing, we talked and drinked wine while we told each others plans and dreams.
After that day, he went on a Airbnb with him ex and they fucked. ( I only had this knowledge a few months or even a year after).
Some weeks later, and some dates later, he invited me to a hotel and I was so thrilled.
At the hotel, we tried to have sex and he couldn’t get it up, I was chill about it and just asked him if he was not turned on by me or my body.
We spent a week there, nothing happened… I wore lingeries and made dinner while putting the most sexy poses while cooking, still nothing..
although I was chill about it, that messes with my head and made me think I was making a fool of myself and that this man didn’t like me.
We talked about it on that weekend and he said briefly he had just broken up with his ex. That didn’t sit right with me. ( he after told me that was an excuse he come up with because he didn’t know what was going on)
Well nowadays, he tells me that he was falling in love with me and he had performance anxiety, which I get, since he is a very anxious person.
But those months were hard for me, every attempt of having sex I’d feel his dick going soft and that would crush my heart into pieces, I tried to be cool about it, although sometime I couldn’t do it anymore.
He is very sweet to me, and tells me all that time how I’m perfect and that we like the same things, that he wants to marry me, move in with me next year. He helps me every time I need him, which is a lot of times because my mom is a bit of a narcissist.
But even though he’s the best I could ask for, those 3 months are always on the back of my mind, haunting me and telling me that something is not right here.
Is it my intuition or is it the trauma I went through?
Cause in the past I ignored my intuition way too many times…