So, I (almost 21F) started having sex with a guy (he’s 25) around one month ago. (We have been seeing each other since the end of March, and started having sex only later on).
I wouldn’t call him a boyfriend, it’s pretty clear that we both simply enjoy seeing each other, talking and have fun, but we both don’t seem interested to take this whole thing that seriously, at least for now.
I had already done oral sex and hand jobs one time, but the first time we had sex was my real first time, it was pretty awkward at first but then it got so good! So I suggested to take some pictures, nothing that explicit, there was a big beautiful mirror in the room so we took some pics, we both covered each others faces since it was the first time and we both wanted to be cautious. I’ll be honest, I don’t know why I asked him to take pictures, I was just pretty excited and it seemed fun.
Then we saw each other once again, and we took some more pictures. It basically became the norm, but I always made sure I was covering my face because, while I trust him, you can never be that safe.
One time, while we had sex, we were in the bathtub, and I was giving him oral. I looked up and I realized that he was making a video, it already seemed a lil weird because we never took a video, and he always asked for my consent beforehand.
I didn’t want to ruin the whole thing, so I kept doing it covering my face with one hand.
I regret not having said anything, but we were mid sex and I didn’t want to ruin the mood. Also, I didn’t realize that he was taking the pictures/videos with his phone.
Then, last time, when I was once again having sex with him, I noticed that he was taking a video, this time I just asked him to stop and he said he didn’t understand why because it was not the first time filming it. But then he stopped it.
But the vibes were off, and the mood was not the best, we still enjoyed it but I could sense that something was off.
I know some of you are going to believe there’s nothing wrong with that, because we took pictures with my phone and it was fine. But the point is that when we were taking pictures, it was always consensual and we would take “precautions”.
I hate the idea of being filmed without my permission, especially with his phone. But I don’t want to ruin the whole relationship.
I’m not sure how the relationship between me and him is going to evolve, and I don’t want to mess up, but I can’t seem to help him understand why I don’t like it like that.
I know he is a great guy, and I do trust him (or I wouldn’t have sex with him) but I don’t know what to do? How can I convince him to stop?
It’s not the idea of taking a few pictures, because I was the first person to ask for it, but I don’t want it to become the norm and I don’t want to risk my privacy/dignity. I deeply regret asking him to do that the first time.
Also, I have a hard time explaining myself with guys, I feel like I don’t want to disappoint him or something like that. But any time I ask him gently to not do something, he does it anyways. I don’t know how to explain myself without ruining the bond between me and him.
Any advice?