Just as a starter, My fiance and I decided to sit down and have a talk about our future just to see what we agree/disagree on, what we both want in our futures, etc. (that good ol' fun adult talk lol), and everything was going well. We had a few different opinions on some things, but we were willing to see each side and come to an agreement with one another. Again, everything was looking good
However, where we just cannot meet in the middle is the discussion about kids. We both want kids and we've known this for a while, but I would like for him to look at different jobs whenever we do begin to start trying for children.
He is currently a truck driver and making good money. He is genuinely happy at this job since he gets his love for driving, gets along with his coworkers, and gets to spend time with my dad and brother (my family loves him and he loves them. They all work together at the same company so I think that's a portion of why he likes it there.)
I'm genuinely happy for him that he has a career he loves and I want him to spend as much time as he can there since he loves it, but I also much rather if he had a different job that allowed him to come home every night whenever we have children instead of being gone for 3-4 days at a time. I also am attending college and am graduating soon so I plan on having a good job in my field of work which also might affect our schedules could be with kids.
We have a great support system on both sides of our families, but I also do not want to heavily rely on them to watch our kid(s) due to work. It feels unfair and like I am using them.
I know a large portion of this mindset comes from my own bias on growing up with a truck driver father. He was forced to get a good-paying job after he and my mother had my brother. Then I came along and so did the cost of raising two children mostly on his income. My mother was a pizza delivery driver so she contributed as well, but it was mostly my father that was keeping us comfortable. Then they divorced and he had to pay child support for my brother and me as well. I love my dad and loved seeing him each weekend, it was my favorite time. I was mainly upset since the weekend was the only time I got to see him. Fri/Sat-Mon was the only time I got to spend with him and it sucked seeing him leave every week. My mother was not the best in the past and so it made it very hard to be around her so having my father gone at certain times, times that he couldn't help, hurt.
It was also hard on my dad. He loved my brother and me, but I feel he also felt guilt that he couldn't spend much time with us so he would rely heavily on money to show his love.
To sum it up, my brother and I wished we had our dad around more when we were younger and my dad wished he could've seen us more instead of being stuck on the road.
So with that said, and getting back onto the subject, I discussed my disapproval of him staying a truck driver when we have kids and he expressed his concern that there are not a lot of jobs around us that make this kind of money without a degree. We could use our family's help with our schedules, but he most likely will not find a job where he can come home every night and also be making either the same or more money than he does now.
I'm trying to hear him out, I really am, but I just cannot shake this feeling that it is not the right decision. I really want him to have a job where he can come home and see his kids every night. Also, I don't know how I will be as a mother. Will I be able to handle a kid, let alone multiple, by myself at home? What if I experience postpartum depression/psychosis/overall any negative effects after birth? Those conditions can last up to 6 months and I know he can't get that much time off. I also know that I could be overthinking this so much as well just because we agree on having kids overall so this isn't a subject we can just ignore. We will have to choose a path one day.
So here is what I ask you; What are your opinions on having children with someone whose job forces them to be gone for multiple days at a time? Do you have children with someone who leaves for work? if you do, how are you, how has it been, and what has your overall experience been like?
Tl;dr: Fiance and I want kids. He wants to keep his trucking job after we have kids but I rather him have a job where he can be home every night instead. What are your opinions on the matter?