I’m a mid 20s female dating a mid 20s man. He recently told me that he didn’t begin to experience interest in women until he entered college, so around 17/18. He states that he’s attracted to me and experiences lust and infatuation towards other women, but I know there are many different “types” of attraction, and I just wanna make sure that we both can feel fulfilled in our relationship.
For me, a huge part of being “fulfilled in a relationship” is being with a man that is sexually attracted to me. Being with a man who isn’t sexually attracted to me is a dealbreaker. But my mind can’t let go of the fact that he was otherwise pretty much “asexual” (his words, tho it was sort of in a joking way) until the end of high school. I’m afraid if I stay in this relationship, we’ll both waste years of our lives in something that isn’t fulfilling.
This is honestly pretty new information to me, and idk how to process it all. I don’t wanna break up with him if it turns out that he is allosexual, and I let my anxiety and paranoia get the best of me. I feel like we have something really good, but the sexual attraction stuff matters a lot to me too. So I’m wondering how to proceed from here? I’m so scared of offending him, but I feel like I’m constantly anxious because I just don’t know what to do with this info.
I know I posted a lot on the topic already but I’m honestly just scrambled in the head and anxious rn. I’ve had people label him as gay, ace and a “late bloomer heterosexual male” in the past several hours so I’m just sitting here feeling 😵💫. I think I just need some straight guidance on what to do next…
TLDR: I’m so confused
7 comments
Communicate with him.
Express your concerns and talk through them.
Your mind is going crazy with unknowns and he’s the only one who can give you peace of mind. Talk to him about how you feel and figure it out together if you can work through this
though people normally have sexual thoughts earlier, if he’s feeling all of them now like normal then that shouldn’t pose an issue to your relationship.
communicate with him and ask him if he has the same sexual wants and needs as you do. its normal to be confused but other people trying to label him as gay or ace without knowing him is weird and overstepping…
Don’t do anything… you really want to punish him for not getting laid in high school??? I’m assuming your sex life currently works for you so what’s the problem? Fun fact most guys talk about how much they had sex in high school but a lot of them are lying! So he waited till later… it’s possible he really was joking about asexual and just couldn’t find a girl to go out with him. I lost my v card in college… not for lack of trying I just suck at reading signals from women. Now with that information ask my wife who has the bigger sex drive lol.
He’s 25, I don’t understand why it matters that he wasn’t interested in sex when he was a child. Do you have any reason to think there is a problem currently? A lot of people aren’t interested in sex in childhood. And while developing interest during the teen years is common, it’s not that weird to have interest develop a bit later.
It sounds like he was just a bit of a late bloomer. It’s not that unusual. He experiences attraction now, so no biggie.
is there an issue with your sex life right now or does he not seem into you? like why would it matter if he wasn’t previously very sexually driven when he was still a kid? this seems like a weird thing to end a relationship over if there’s no current issues in the relationship, youve not pointed out any in your post
Maybe he’s just a late bloomer? That’s not unheard of. If you’re insecure because of it you should talk to him 🙏