My boyfriend (M25) has always watched porn and it has always bothered me (F26), but it is something that I’ve tried to accept/ignore/get over as we’ve had multiple conversations about it before and he feels like he shouldn’t have to stop because it’s common and normal. I’ve told him that it upsets me because it makes me feel insecure about myself and that the woman he watches don’t look anything like me— he’s always told me that I shouldn’t take it personally because he’s with me, not them. Additionally, he’s said it’s a compulsion and that he’s addicted. He has tried to stop in the past but hasn’t been very successful. He wishes that I would be more understanding of his problem and to not be so judgmental.
I feel like I was tolerating his use of porn until I found out that he was looking at bikini pictures of girls he knows on Instagram. This hurts more than the porn use and I feel so betrayed and bothered by it. When I asked him about it, he said it’s not much different than porn and he doesn’t really see the problem with it.
Am I crazy or wrong for being upset by this? I know it’s normal for people to be attracted to others even when they’re in a relationship, but it hurts me and reminds me of when I was cheated on in a previous relationship. Am I allowed to ask him to stop? & what does it mean if he doesn’t want to?