Okay, so I had a first date yesterday after talking to a guy for a while.
It felt like it was a good time for a first date even though I was not physically very attracted to him. He looked okay and didn’t tick all my important boxes (hobbies perspective) but seemed decent and nice in conversations.
So we went for a brunch date, which was pleasant though he was extremely honest and upfront, which startled me a bit.
I also get how important it is to be honest from the beginning.
But I also felt like it was too early to ask questions like “do you like me what do you like about me?” on the first date.
He suggested going to the beach on a very sunny hot humid day after the brunch ( I have rashes all over now😓)
I was okay to hang out for a bit so I went but he asked to hold hands while on the commute to the beach in a public ferry. I acknowledged and let him since he seemed decent and by then I had started feeling a little at ease.
Few minutes into the ride (maybe 10-15 mins) after one hour of conversations over brunch) he starts kissing me on the cheeks without asking if I felt comfortable.
I do not remember how many times until I asked him to slow things down. He said something like “when you turn your face that side, I cannot help but kiss you” 🙄 like what? People do not know consent anymore?
But it was playful and so I let that go.
On the beach, he proceeds to ask me all kinds of questions that were uncomfortable for me to answer as I couldn’t relax so much and felt more like an interview than a date.
Questions on what I liked in a guy, looked for, love languages, constantly telling me to tell him more things. The constant “Tell me more about yourself” just really started affecting me, while also not letting me complete some of the things I was telling him.
At the beach, he kept asking me to relax and be comfortable while constantly asking me to look at him while talking, because I find it hard to constantly look at someone while talking so I didn’t meet his eyes 40-50 % of the time I talked to him.
I don’t think I’ve had anyone, especially my past dates who were way more attractive smart or handsome than this person I met yesterday, say this to me constantly over a date.
It felt extremely uncomfortable to force me to look at him in the eye saying things like I like it when you look at me.
He still proceeded to kiss me on my cheeks again a few times and then brushed my lips once and even asked for a kiss on his cheeks, like begging for it.
When I told him how I felt uncomfortable and it should build up naturally and he needed to slow down, he just said “I can’t help it you’re pretty and I’m very honest and straight forward like this”
While also telling me to let him know anything I didn’t feel comfortable about, and disregarding it playfully when I did, saying physical touch (not sexual) or playfulness is his love language.
Over the course of the day I couldn’t wait for the date to be over and he dropped me at my place in a taxi even when I said I wanted to take the train back to my place and insisted to let him come up to my place.
When I told him I wouldn’t, he made a comment saying “is your house very dirty or something ? I promise I won’t do anything” and added “just joking”.
He seems like a wealthy person and I’m just an ordinary girl trying my best to do better at my stable job and everyday life in general.
When I came back home, I texted my friends and I ended up breaking down in tears cause I felt so overwhelmed with all the attention and affection and was also strangely reminded of cases in my life before when I was violated and felt like I was assaulted cause my ex boss tried to touch me in a similar way in the past and an incident from my childhood when a guy on a tour bus touched my hands without my consent and it gave me migraine for the rest of the day and I couldn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day.
Idk why I’m posting this. I know I didn’t feel safe or atleast my body told me so after the date and I needed comforting from my closest people and I ended up asking anyone available to talk to me while trying to process how I felt.
I don’t think the guy intended to do anything on purpose but I believe, he has no general sense of respect for boundaries.
I’m also a little mad at myself for not ending the date and reinforcing it more strictly when he did it multiple times.
I’m also an introvert. I think I should mention this so it doesn’t come so naturally to open myself up and I need time to open up to someone.
I like to meet a date once or at the maximum twice a week and he had already built up plans in his head to meet me 3/4 times a week and hijacking all my trips to join me in the near future, and all these weekend trips to nearby countries, places.
I want to see how people think of this situation. And how I should get back to this person. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed since the date and even my gym time and meditation sauna and self care after, didn’t help me feel good later, when I usually feel so relaxed after rest during slow weekends.
He thanked me for the wonderful time yesterday and I need to tell him honestly how I felt. I haven’t responded yet.
I’m a little slow in processing things and it hit me like a brick after the date.
I’m also in therapy for ADHD and anxiety.
I wasn’t really physically attracted to this person but I was okay to see if I could develop feelings after bonding but I feel like he ruined that for me.
I also think I’m fairly attractive and I put so much effort into how I keep myself fit and have a stable income and a decent job, but I’m not in any way, rich and still struggle with some of the financial aspects in my life as I was born in a poor family.
I am mentioning this as I did feel a sense of that power in his conversations while mentioning about some material aspects of his life, example getting a fancy car.
How would anyone feel in this situation?
Do I cut him off and honestly let him know how it made me feel?