I (f20) am very much an introvert and have very very strong cases of limerence. Once I latch on to a person they kind of consume me. I want them to like me I want to do everything with them. This is not limited to friends I become obsessed with tinder matches, celebrities you name it. (I promise I'm civil with it no baby reindeer here, just in my mind torturing me lmao)
The earliest I remeber is 5th grade where the idea of "shipping" hit my class like a hurricane and everyone started shipping everyone including me and my then guy bestfriend. I don't remember being particularly attracted to him but the more we hung out, the more we were shipped the more I idealized it to the point where I almost confessed to him (I backed out last minute never did figure out if he liked me back we stayed friends for a few years then puberty hit and he became a republican we don't talk anymore…. anywaysss).
This pattern of not being sexually attracted to someone and then slowly imagining getting married to them happened like two more times with my girl best friends. One of which I actually dated for a week but we didn't really DO anything or even kiss. None of these progressed very far because again the sexual attraction is very minimal. I'm still good friends with both but they're dating other people now.
So now we get to my current friend (m22) of 2 years let's call him Peter for the sake of this. He's best friends with my bestfriend's boyfriend (yes the one I dated call me a homie hopper). I vividly remember not being attracted to him when we first met (like a thank goodness he's not hot that would be awkward sigh of relief). He's got bad teeth and depression and redness in his skin but he's also got the white boy of the week curls and pretty bluish eyes. We don't hang out too much outside of the group other than gaming till the wee hours of the morning but that's mostly due to us both being night owls. We never really see each other irl but he's not big on touching grass if I may.
So I have two deliemmas. Do I like him? And does he like me?
Reasons to think I like him: I can't stop thinking about dating him, he's kind of my type, we have a lot of hobbies in common that sometimes our friends joke I've been copying him since we were babies, he doesn't wear cologne and I still think he smells good, I think he's funny.
Reasons to think I don't actually like him: I'm idealising our relationship because our current friend group consists of us and another couple and I like the idea of us dating to complete the square. I like him because he gives me attention and the reason I've liked all my past best friend's so much is also because they gave me attention.
Now even if I could figure this part I also don't know if he likes me back
Reasons to think he likes me back: we play games until the sun literally rises together, I'm hot (jk)
Reasons to think he doesn't like me back: he doesn't treat me any different than his friends, he has depression and may not have it in him for a relationship at all however as school is out he should have more spoons. Doesn't hang out with me irl (he lives pretty far and neither of us can drive). During the school year he did not like to do extracurriculars with me that he did not like ex. He was happy to play ping pong because he liked ping pong but 9 times out of 10 refuses to go rock climbing/thrifting/whatever cute instagramable activity I had in mind. He hasn't ever asked me out.
I'm sorry this is so long but as I mentioned I'm kind of obsessing over it and don't want to misrepresent anything by glossing over details that could be read into. Even now I still feel like I'm missing some details.
So tl;dr: do I like my friend because he's my friend and I like friendly people or because I actually like him and is it even worth asking him out