Hi, I'm 26 gay male and I don't know what's going on with my sexuality.
Ever since I can remember I masturbated to porn only. Made it automatic for me to get off. Kinda like "oh, I'm bored. Let's open 25 porn tabs and get off 2/3 times on a row". Pretty sure with a case of death grip too, bc I never used lub and stuff.
I have trouble staying hard when I have real sex and my sex life has been all about that. I'm also very self aware and have insecurities about my body. Even with partners, at first there's always been the going soft pretty quickly, being too much in my head, etc. I was still fapping to porn and habits I mentioned before.
But now I have a high sex drive partner and I'm becoming too self aware about this. I know that it's a problem and it's messing with me hardcore. It could be that I also have a lower libido than him but then I had no problem mastubating to porn 4 times on a day like I said so then what? I realized I don't get horny unless I force it by touching myself. I can only cum by my own jerking off. When I have anal sex and pull out my dick is is always soft when first it was hard. We've had nice sex on multiple occasions but I also have a lot of anxiety issues and I can't quite figure out what's happening to me or what should I do to try and change it.
I love having sex with him and giving him pleasure but my mind is always projecting. I have cut off porn entirely and I was gonna try to stay absent from masturbation.
The other day did a little test the other day by touching with a lot of spit to lube my penis, go for soft strokes on the glande and the whole area, edging a bit, focusing on thinking about my partner and fantasize about doing stuff with him, try to feel my body more and honestly it worked because my dick was rock hard and it was intense but I'm still so lost at this.
Can I retrain/rewire my brain and get better? Any help with that?