This is an update from my last post.
TL;DR on the last post – my BF’s (maybe) soon to be sister in law has always exhibited inappropriate behavior towards him (super touchy, possessive, raunchy jokes, tries to shut me out). My BF sent her a text saying it made him uncomfortable, requesting she reel it in, and hoping they can continue to have a good relationship. His brother (30M) got involved, screamed at my BF, said hurtful things, very dramatic. That was it for a week.
Now for the updated craziness. Friday Evening I went to a female family gathering. Future SIL was there. She avoided me the entire time. I want nothing more than to get past this and move on, but was sort of following her lead and left her alone. She texted asking if we could talk. I said sure.
She said my BF told his brother I wrote the text (he never said that). She clearly didn’t believe me and kept trying to find ways to prove that I wrote it. That I said no more family gatherings and we don’t want to go to their wedding because I hate her. That I’ll hate any future child they have because it came out of her. I was absolutely shocked because I never said any of this, and I know my BF never said any of these things either. So his brother is making up these cruel lies for some unknown reason?? She said how awful their family is and all she wanted was to make me feel included and now I’ve stabbed her in the back. She demanded an apology. I refused and told her to have a good night and left.
Sunday, we go to the parents house for dinner. All of us were there. Things were fairly standoffish. At one point I was inside with future SIL and the dad, making light small talk. Their mom grabs me and future SIL to speak in a back room. She’s a few drinks in, gets all teary eyed that her boys are in turmoil. Basically saying I’m the root of all the issues so I need to get over it because she’s not having her family torn apart. My BF loves both of us equally (hah!) and I need to deal with that because they’ve known each other (5 years) far longer than we’ve been together (1.5years). I can’t come in and try to dissolve all female relationships in his life. She left and future SIL and I were talking calmly and I was expressing there clearly was miscommunication between the boys that seems to be ramping this up. She agreed.
Then we hear screaming from the living room, glass breaking, so we go out there and that’s when all the real drama started. The brother kept pointing at me with like a legit murderous look in his eyes, calling me a manipulative B and a psychotic bully, all kinds of things. It was a screaming match everyone telling each other to fuck off and his mom is like “well you started all of this and now you have nothing to say? Defend yourself” His brother is like “she’s playing a game. She manipulated my brother away from the family so she’s sitting there all pleased with herself, the Fing dumb B.”
The mom was trying and failing to moderate this because the brother kept screaming. He was telling her to go F herself, saying any awful thing he could think of about me. He came incredibly close to my face (idk if he wanted to hit me or intimidate me), my BF pushed him away and yelled at him. The brother kept making these moves like he was going to run at me, future SIL kept holding him back or telling him to take a walk he was furious. Their mom kept saying I need to grow up and deal with my insecurities, kept saying that over and over. At one point I asked her to stop calling me insecure and she said it was the first time I’d defended myself and now she respects me a little bit because I stood up for myself.
This went on for 2 hours and because I don’t deal with issues by screaming and name calling, I was frozen. My BF was saying a lot to try to defend me, that they were his concerns and didn’t come out of thin air, which riled everyone up more. It was absolute chaotic madness that I’ve never been a part of before.
At the end, their mom tried to laugh off the entire thing. I was in total shock because I’ve tried so hard to be kind and respectful to the fam and always had a great relationship especially with their mom, so I was taken aback. My BF spoke to his mom the next day, cancelled all future plans with the fam, saying I was attacked, it was uncalled for, he was furious. His brother has legit issues and the mom makes excuse after excuse for his absolutely terrifying behavior.
I seriously don’t feel comfortable even being near his brother again. He sounds so close to really losing it and I’m actually concerned for my safety at this point. I thank god my BF has the complete opposite personality. But I have no clue how to move forward from this. As much as I’d never want to see the brother again, I know that’s not possible. I’d be willing to speak to him if he could act more normal and calm but I don’t even know if he’s capable of that. Help