ok, so this is all a bit of a rollercoaster as it has been for the past 6 months, last 3 post partum. I’m typing this from the other room as I’m hiding breastfeeding to avoid further conflict.
I had awful morning sickness with our son that progressed to GERD and was medicated for it finally in the third trimester. When we got together, I was super skinny (not at my best) and confident but I’ve also gained weight and gone up 4 sizes and have been insecure trying on old clothes that no longer fit. I may have lost my baby weight but my body still looks different and I’m not as dressy as I was (also a newborn makes it hard). ‘Leo’ took care of me constantly trying to get me to eat as I would just cry in bed as I knew I would be sick so thus began his snacking habit. He truly began just binge snacking because he was bored and would even attempt to stop himself, but he has gained a significant amount of weight.
Leo has been complaining about his weight and doesn’t want to go out because he doesn’t have clothes that fit. For Mother’s Day, we were going to brunch so I grabbed him a new shirt a week in advance. Well, he tried it on, it didn’t fit and he got defeated and upset with me. I told him I would get one in his size and he was being adamant that it didn’t matter and deflated in front of his computer. Next thing you know, he’s counting calories on food labels and trying to talk to me about it but since I’m breastfeeding, I need as many calories as possible so talking about the opposite isn’t for me. I told him that there are apps that can help but he pushed back and then abandoned the idea all together and started saying he just won’t eat after a certain point in the day. He won’t workout or even go for walks with the stroller or anything.
Today, I went to the store and bought Leo new clothes because he has pretty much nothing . He works from home so he usually just sits at his desk in joggers/gym shorts and a shirt for meeting that he’ll take off as soon as it’s over. I grabbed a pair of shorts in the last size I knew he was and a few t shirts. He hates shopping and has expressed to me to just grab him something. When he tried on the shorts, they were too small and he got upset with me for getting him anything at all. I said I could get him the next size up and he said ‘I don’t want to be that size!’ ripped them off, and told me to just stop getting him stuff.
I tried to make an effort and feel so stuck in our relationship because there’s seemingly nothing I can do for him. I want to be romantic again and go on dates and be intimate (we’ve only been twice after baby) but he doesn’t because he’s so stuck on his weight but won’t do anything about it. I’m loving motherhood and our baby is my whole world but I can’t say I’m not starting to feel distant from him because he just seemingly doesn’t want to make an effort anymore. My therapist thinks he’s depressed but he won’t go to therapy himself as he ‘has no time’ for it. I’ve tried so hard to be supportive and tell him I still find him attractive (I love a dad bod! But most importantly him!) but nothing is working. Because of this, I’m also not receiving support postpartum and I’m truly struggling to get things done around the house as he just mopes on his computer when he’s done with work. I feel so stuck and sad and I want to help him but he won’t help himself. How do I navigate this differently?
TLDR: my partner gained sympathy weight and refuses to change despite complaining constantly. I try to buy new clothes, build confidence, nothing works and I feel alone with PP, our baby and chores.