Hi Reddit,
I’m looking for some advice on a matter involving my younger brother who is 15. He has something that he’s appears to have been struggling with for a while, and I think it might be affecting his confidence. I believe he often avoids being in pictures or videos due to it and becomes very uncomfortable when I try to discuss it.
For context, here is a recent picture of him:
https://i.ibb.co/2tskvYV/1476538249-920-ob.jpg
To be blunt, he has a large and dark mole on his face. I suspect that this is a big part of why he feels self-conscious. Would you say it's quite prominent or do you think most people don't notice? In an attempt to lighten the mood and show support, I’ve often joked saying things like, "Bro, I'm glad that your mole ended up on your face because you can't hide it and you're forced to show off how big that thing is to everyone. Be proud of that thing, man! Haha." While it was meant as friendly brotherly teasing, I’m not sure how it really made him feel. He's quite shy, and I've said things like, "Use it as a confidence booster when meeting new folks! Haha!" He doesn't really talk about it, but it's been difficult not to mention all these years so it was probably my way to getting the "elephant in the room" out there. What is the best approach do you suppose? And do you think this is why he avoids pictures?
Most people are often too preoccupied with their own lives to judge others harshly. I'm hoping to gather more insights and tips from this community on how to support my brother and help him feel more confident.
Any suggestions or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for your help!
15 comments
He seems like a handsome kid. Some people will give him shit but plenty wont care. But ultimately its about if he cares or not and i know its not easy having insecurities (every single person on this planet has them or they are delusional) especially at that age.
Maybe he can go with your parents to consult a doctor on having it removed if it bothers him that much. Maybe let him know you noticed hes shy in front of the camera and ask him if he wants to talk about anything without being too overbearing about it and bring it up to him if he opens up.
Depending on your bros personality and your relationship/closeness to him you might be able to be more straight forward while being respectful.
Good luck
Tbh probably worth removing for a grand or so
There’s no way that doesn’t bother him dude. Teenagers are brutal as fuck and I can almost guarantee he’s gotten some shit for it.
Honestly I legit can’t believe you said that to your brother and thought it was something to lighten things up. I bet you made him 10x more self-conscious. Would you tell someone with say a baby arm that you’re glad they got a baby arm? What the hell dude.
You wanna be a real bro? Pay to have it removed and say “Listen, I know it’s rough being a teenager. People are dicks. If you ever want that mole removed. I got you. We can get it done. If not, whatever man I’m happy if you are happy.”
Have him watch such self-help videos as, “Smoke Yourself Thin!” and, “Get Confident, Stupid!”
Ya, it’s why he avoids pictures. It’s sweet just attempting to comfort him and caring enough to post this to find the best way. My recommendation is to just be real with him. Tell him the way that he’s mentioned it to you, you can tell it bothers him. You can tell him if he ever wants to get it removed it’s possible with a dermatologist and saving up a small amount of money and you can help him research. But finish by telling him that he should know that he’s awesome and it’s the LEAST interesting thing about him, not the most.
Overall -Don’t try to maximize it, he’ll never see it that way and see through what you’re trying to do which is just try to make him feel better in that moment. Instead, empower him.
Its prominent and outside of moustache territory. But at least he’s conventionally good looking and has good teeth. I’ve also met people in my life with way worse “physical distractions” that do quite well for themselves. This is more of a personal journey thing he’ll have to overcome. No one likes being in photos.
Honestly I’d pay to have the mole removed because he’s otherwise a good looking person. End of story.
Here’s a quarter…
Help him pay to remove it
Help him find a way to become comfortable with and accepting of his body.
In a couple years he’ll start to get facial hair and it will be a lot less prominent.
This is what you’re doing atm:
By law he has to have health insurance under his parents, so just take him to the doctor. It may even be fully covered.
If it’s gotten bigger with puberty then it’s worth getting it checked by a dermatologist anyway. I had to get one removed because I noticed it felt bigger when I got to college, it took all of 20 mins to numb the area, freeze and remove it.
Well posting his face on the internet ain’t gonna help one bit
Based off the words you said to him, pay to help him remove it.
As somebody with noticeable skin grafts caused by a childhood accident, I would be absolutely pissed at you if you were my brother.
It’s a mole. He doesn’t have to live with it. Just have it professionally removed or use one of various DIY methods. I used apple cider vinegar to remove one on my face 9 years ago. Hasn’t come back since.
You shouldn’t post his photo without consent