My (F40) husband (M45) is a bit controlling – likes everything a certain way, but a great partner overall. Today I came home from a trip to find him reorganizing/cleaning out my bathroom sink area and personal home office.
I have a thing about personal space so this was very triggering for me. I moved into his home when we got married but he sweetly set up a room/bathroom that is “all mine” back when we were still dating that I use as a home office for remote work and also a self-care/meditation/lady-lounge space. This meant everything to me.
We had an issue in the past where he decided to re-org my side of our shared closet and I got very upset and asked him not to touch/move my stuff without my permission. It felt like a violation. I realize most people don’t feel so strongly about personal space but I grew up with very little space/autonomy (entire family in 2 bedroom apt and mom who read my diary and constantly “tossed/searched” my belongings) and this is an important boundary for me. I thought he understood but now, 4 years after the closet incident, he decided to re-org my personal sink/office area. Our house is huge and this is a part of the house that no one uses but me. I’m VERY neat but not as meticulous as him, so there was some stuff (hair and beauty products) on the counter. He said it was “squalor.”
When I asked him why he felt the need to touch/move stuff in my space, he said he was cleaning the whole house and felt it was dirty so he wanted to clean it. I replied that I’d preferred he tell me if there was an issue rather than him cleaning/reorganizing “my space”. He disagreed and asserts he has a right to clean and organize any space in the house and asked if I had something to hide. lol – in my conditioner, face masks, and toiletries?!? He also freaks out when I lock the bathroom door but that wasn’t a big deal so I stopped doing that.
I’m really upset by his unwillingness to respect this boundary. He doesn’t see my POV at all. This and other stubborn behavior of his have me questioning if I want to continue living with him. Sounds drastic but that is how upset this has made me. Feeling seen and heard matter to me greatly. Someone talk me off the ledge.
TLDR: husband cleaned/re-orgd my “lady lounge” without my consent despite my requests not to do so.