We've been together for 7 months now. My girlfriend(f23) wants me to cut off all my friends, and I've even stopped going to the gym alone because she's uncomfortable with it. I really love her because she loves differently. My main issue is that she's limiting my ability to engage with the world and progress in life.
She has a past trauma where her ex cheated on her, with his friends covering up for him, which has left her deeply wounded. However, my friends haven't done anything wrong. For instance, one friend mentioned a girl's name while telling a story about himself, and another sent me a weird game on Steam to which I jokingly replied, "I'll buy it." Despite having no intention of buying the game, I was reprimanded and restricted from socializing.
I've failed some college subjects because I'm not allowed to interact with others, and I can only go to the gym when she's available to supervise me. For months, I've been understanding and patient because of her trauma, but I've come to realize that I'm burning myself out. I love her deeply, but I'm struggling to see how I can sustain this.
Question:
How can I address my girlfriend's insecurities without compromising my own mental health and personal growth?
TLDR:
My girlfriend's insecurities are causing me to cut off friends, drop hobbies, and fail college subjects. I'm struggling to balance my love for her with my need for personal freedom and growth. How do I address this situation?
8 comments
You need to leave this relationship because it’s incredibly unhealthy and she needs to take time and effort to grow and develop as a person because she’s not ready to be in a relationship. If you aren’t willing to take that step then it’s time to say no to unreasonable demands. If someone is causing an actual issue or problem then that’s a matter of discussion as to what the tool you should do, but blanket bands on socializing or going to the gym with other people or studying with other people? That is controlling and isolating behavior and that’s not cool
It’s actually very simple. You just have to say it. “I do love you very much – you have brought so much to my life and I can see us building a future together. However, there is that thing about your unfinished experience of the past where things were painful for you – and it is impacting our relationship now.I dont think it would benefit us for me to carry on and ignore that and cater to that dynamic..it is something that need attention and healing so we can both have a solid future. Can we talk about ways to deal with that honestly?”
You cannot fix her insecurities. Ask every man who has tried. She has to fix them herself and it’s not by forcing you to jump through hoops.
Honey, you don’t need her permission to talk to your friends, go to the gym alone or talk to people in class. Those are her problems, not yours. She needs therapy to see why she would be attempting to punish you for things someone else did- it doesn’t make sense and will only hurt you. Change your phone password, go to the gym and set boundaries. If she isn’t ok, then she needs to work on herself. People treat you the way you allow them to, and it doesn’t mean she’s a bad person but she’s abusing you.
Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going. She’s taken more than your v-card at this point – she’s taking your life away from you.
Your relationship with this woman has turned toxic and she’s basically a succubus at this point.
4 words.
Get. The. Hell. Out.
“she loves differently” is such a nice way of saying “she’s an abusive nutjob”
– its your CHOICE to be controlled or not….