Hello people. I come here partly for advice, partly to rant. First I should describe myself. I am a 30y old dude with massive self esteem issues and a nice heavy dose of awkwardness as well as social anxiety. To the point I’ve always had very few friends, and never ever having a girlfriend. Shit I spent a major part of my life being unable to talk to girls. None of which is made easier by the fact I’ve always been on the chubby side, even though I hit the gym heavily for quite sometime, personal issues led me to becoming really fat lately (currently I sit at at least 110 kg, at 1,86 the heaviest I’ve been, and yeah I look like shit).
Despite all this however, and in part thanks to faking it till you making it and grooming, I had managed to be more outgoing, friendly, presentable (although tbh I never stooped to what you would call a basement dweller)
Now to my current situation. Since the job situation in my country was pretty dire I decided to take a job offer for seasonal work in Cyprus (Im from Greece). Yet, things have not gone as planned.
I wont focus on the shitty aspect of the job, the disorganization etc etc, although they are NOT helping my mental state. I will however focus on my coworkers and roommates since we all work at the same place and most of us live together in the same accommodation areas. You see, a lot of my social “achievements” so far was probably thanks to other people being accepting of me. Here, however, this is not the case and its proving to be a major challenge for me. Most of the time I feel ostracized, unwelcome, uncomfortable etc. There are times where I will try to fit in the group, try to talk to some and yet I get completely ignored, as if no-one is listening or caring. A lot of the girls are seemingly even looking at me with disgust for some reason.
Perhaps part of me is at fault too. Or because of my shyness and anxiety, maybe I haven’t been trying as hard as I could to “fit in” with them. Yesterday for example many of them had a gathering/party to celebrate a guys retirement, I kept thinking I should have joined them yet I didn’t because in my mind I wasn’t invited (technically no-one told me about it I just heard the music and them celebrating since my window was open). On the other hand when I do join them and try my best to socialize I usually end up miserable since I end up by myself since if I don’t approach no-one approaches me and I get tired/weary of always being the one to do the first step. Same as when they hang out in the common rooms, whenever I don’t join I feel guilty or that I should have gone anyway, but when I do I usually again end up exchanging at best a few words with the ones that are the friendliest but even then it feels forced and I quickly end up quiet and alone.
But most importantly, my (female) coworker in my department, the one with the more training, is also for some reason completely avoiding me or ignoring me every time I try to talk to her, and that’s even for purely work related reason, to the point she doesn’t even answer me other than nodding or rolling her eyes at (work-related) questions and remarks that I feel are perfectly reasonable. And its not like she is shy or anything, she is perfectly chatty and social with most people, it really seems its me who she has it out for. Honestly at this point I dont know how to deal with this shit. Ive even considered switching jobs.
So yeah this was my part vent/part cry for help. Honestly, I know the basic advice like hit the gym (ive been trying to start working out again), fake it till you make it, groom yourself etc but at this point Id take any help or advice I can get, because god knows I need it it.
At least I should thank my lucky stars that I get along relatively well-ish with my roommates.
2 comments
Ask yourself this. Did I say something to make them avoid me? Be realistic if you said one odd thing they wouldn’t ignore you so did get in your head. It’s very likely they are just mean people. For the gym thing just don’t workout eat healthy that’s even more important in my opinion. Drink lots of water too start a skin routine and smile more often and make sure you get a haircut that fits your face. Be appreciative of what you have and record what you appreciate and write something new everyday
When a guy describes himself as shy and socially awkward I always think he’s hiding the more undesirable characteristics to seem more likable. If your female coworkers don’t want to engage with you beyond the work conversations then…don’t? You clearly see their vibe now respect it. Move on. I see a lot of self sabotage in your post and I think it would be a good idea to talk to a professional about these things. The internet can be unforgiving.