It sounds pretty bad, but a lot has happened. We all started talking again years after being friends in high school. One of the women, we will call her Mary, is obsessed with money. It’s basically all she can talk about, and she looks down on the rest of us.
We’ve all had arguments with her over the years because she will say nasty, rude things and then be like “oh I’m just being honest, lol” I’m becoming someone I don’t like because of her (the two other girls and I had a separate chat just complaining about Mary)
I cut her out once before, and the other two convinced me to talk to her again. My partner and I have arguments because she will say something cruel and make me cry. He’s been telling me for years to stop speaking to her.
I’ve tried, countless times, to explain to Mary how she hurts me and how her constant bragging is frustrating. I’m just tired of it, we aren’t true friends.
We are also in different life stages – they all have young kids and I don’t have children. They talk about kids constantly and I can’t relate. Mary has told me I’m immature because I don’t have kids.
I lived interstate for 3 years and barely saw them due to the pandemic. I came back late last year and since then they’ve made dinner plans twice that they knew i couldn’t make because of distance (I live 2 hours away)
I decided I was done last weekend and blocked all 3 of them. I felt awful about it, and have been doing the slow fade for a while. Mary keeps adding me to chats with other people, has messaged my mother telling her I blocked them. I just want to make a clean break but they won’t leave me alone.
TL;DR: I blocked 3 school friends and they won’t leave me alone. We are in different life stages and have nothing in common, and one of them is just plain mean.
41 comments
If you want no contact provide just that- no contact.
Genuinely however you can understand that everyone in life grows and alters into different people, having different priorities and different stages. If someone isn’t impacting you positively you can decide if you want to see less of them, or cut them out completely. Move past this drama and even this post and just not speak to them.
Have your mother block her too. That is not rational behavior from an adult. Change your social media settings too.
Hey,
Yeah this is definitely not normal behavior for a 30 year old. To help make that clean break I might even suggest taking a break from social media like completely uninstalling it for a few weeks that way you are not tempted to talk to them or get notifications from the apps. If she has your number I might even push to get a new number and giving your number to people you know would tell the other “friends”. I would also look into the law around your area in regards to cyber stalking because what she is doing is a bit strange by contacting your family members in order to talk to you.
Life is too short to have shit people in your life. There are plenty of nice folks. You did the right thing. They will leave you alone after a while.
I had a similar issue with a friend who just wouldn’t take subtle hints. I ended up sending her a long message about how we were just in different stages in life now and while I appreciated our memories of friendship past it was best to part ways. I honestly wish I’d don’t it sooner. Ghosting doesn’t always work, just lay it out.
Just keep up blocking them wherever and however you can. Eventually they’ll either take the hint or get bored. Have your mother block them and make it a reflex for yourself to block and move on if they continue to add you in the future.
Keep on blocking and maybe unplug from social media for a while. Don’t read anything they send. Maybe look into possible issues with harassment.
My suggestion would be threat them as telemarketers. when you see them dont greet them when they message you dont message them back when they call you hang up the phone.
When they notice they dont get any attention from you , they are soon done with you as well
>Mary has told me I’m immature because I don’t have kids.
Ha.
Hahahaha.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*phew*
Thanks, I needed that.
Does Mary think the stork administers the Wonderlic before dropping off little bundles of joy? Did they have abstinence-only sex ed where y’all grew up? It doesn’t take maturity to have kids, it takes unprotected sex.
Sorry you’re going through this.
I would advise you, since it sounds like you haven’t done this, to say one time, in a documented written form (text message or email is fine), to Mary and any of the others who have been trying to contact you: “I do not want to be friends anymore. I want you to stop contacting me in any form. Any attempt by you to contact me will be considered harassment.” And then block again, etc. Absolutely don’t discuss, argue, engage.
You shouldn’t need to do this, any reasonable person wouldn’t need to hear it, but if you ever need to pursue any kind of legal action for this, you’ll be in a much better position if you can show you explicitly told them not to contact you in any form. She may stop once she no longer has the “plausible deniability” of, “She never actually TOLD ME to leave her alone.”
Otherwise, just keep blocking and ignoring. If she escalates to where that’s not possible, consult the police and/or a lawyer (a letter from a lawyer might scare her off).
Some honesty is needed. Instead of passively blocking them, tell them “I don’t want to have anything to do with you at this stage. Perhaps later. For now, leave me alone”. I don’t see what’s so hard about that, you already blocked them, why can’t you admit what you already did?
Keep ignoring. Theyll get bored eventually. You dont owe anyone your attention. Find better friends
There’s always the nuclear route. Just tell them how ugly and stupid their kids are.
I’m going through a similar thing. Tbh the catalyst is a childhood friend who has increasingly become more and more racist over the years, and is a big Trump supporter. I have struggled with this – people have the right to have their own political preferences but how do I reconcile that with “friendship”. Morally and ethically I have issues with it, yet no one calls them out on it.
I’ve been ghosting their messages, blocking them from seeing my IG stories – even of my closest BFF because they tried to get her to spy on me and I was annoyed about that. Still trying to figure out what to say. Respectfully, I don’t really need them in my life anymore.
Maybe ghosting is not enough, you could try to send them a message saying you no longer wish to talk to them (and why), and to ask them to leave you alone.
But holy hell, they sound immature!
I think she enjoys putting you down, like literally obsessed with it, which is why she keeps trying to contact you.
The friends you drop are the ones who actively cause you harm…take your money, abuse you, etc.
With the others, you should practice “limited association”. Keep in contact but limit it to as little as you can handle.
NAL, but reaching out to your mother and forcing the contact that way could be considered harassment. You may be able to have a lawyer send them cease and desist letters. If that fails you might have some legal ground to file a restraining order.
Mary: ”you’re immature because you don’t have kids at the age of 34”
Also Mary: ”I’m calling you Mom to tell her how you blocked me on social media! REEE!!!”
I hate it when people use “I’m just being honest” as a justification for being rude as hell.
Since the fade away and blocking them hasn’t worked, I suggest you just be honest yourself. “I don’t like you. You’re a horrible friend. I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Please stop contacting me or my family.” Then keep them blocked and ignore any attempts they make to get around that.
It’s normal to shed friends, especially when kids come into the picture. My wife and I lost a few friends before we had our son.
**Just keep doing what you’re doing.**
These people are thriving on your upset and the chaos they can stir in your life, they’re adult bullies.
**They’ll get bored soon**, you’re seeing the final attempts to keep you in their circle of influence.
They’ll move on to someone new soon, just keep doing what you’re doing, keep blocking/keep ignoring.
She messaged your mom? She’s 34 and has kids and took the time to message your mom over you blocking her? 🤣🤣😭
Mary just can’t get I hint I suppose…
Petty petty
This is so bizarre, Marys life clearly revolves around feeling superior
If I were your husband, I’d also be frustrated. There is nothing keeping you physically tied to this woman and the others yet you continued to allow them to convince you to take back the cow.
Don’t reply, keep blocking.
Your grown-ass adult friend who has children of her own *called your mommy to tell on you*
Holy fuck, good riddance to bad rubbish.
It sounds to me like you need to have a clear and direct conversation with them so they know that you are done. If I just suddenly got blocked and ghosted by someone I thought was a friend I would be trying to contact them too.
Life happens. People grow apart. Just let them know you don’t know how to interact with them anymore and you aren’t going to devote anymore energy to your friendship. Wish them well and ask them to please respect your boundaries.
Uh… have you *told* them you’re ending the friendship? Or did you just block them out of the blue with no explanation?
It’s smart to exit toxic relationships. People change after HS.
It will take a while. Just keep blocking/not responding and they’ll cool off
I ended a 20 year friendship by asking them to leave me alone. When they asked why I said the truth. I don’t like you as a person and this relationship doesn’t benefit me in any way. The end done. Don’t feel bad. I’m sure this person didn’t like what I’d said but it reinforced their resolve not to talk to me either. I realized I was an emotional blanket for far too long.
You did the right thing. Stand your ground. They’re not your friends.
I’m about your age (33) and that’s definitely not normal behavior. Mary has some deep insecurities. You did the right thing.
Its not a clean break when you dont tell them youre cutting contact. You just suddenly ghosted them, at least thats how it sounds since you only tell us you blocked them and dont say if you told them first. Of course theyre going to keep adding you to chats when you suddenly disappear with no notice.
Mary may even be the only problem here, you dont say the other 2 are trying to contact you.
If you haven’t done this, message them exactly once, briefly but clearly explaining that you don’t want to be friends anymore. Something like “I’m not interested in being your friend anymore, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try to contact me in the future.”
If you want to give an explanation, keep it brief. “I don’t think we have enough in common anymore./I’ve spoken to you many times about your mean comments, and that’s not the kind of friendship I want to have.” Don’t let this open a debate – it’s not a negotiation.
Block, and then don’t reply. Really truly don’t reply, ever. Every time you reply to someone you’re trying to get to leave you alone, they have new material to use to pester you, or gossip to others about. Expect an “extinction burst” where she’s really mean and petty and tries to get people on her side – if you don’t engage during this, she’ll eventually run out of material and it’ll peter out.
Best of luck. I hope you get out of this smoothly and find better friends.
You need to contact them (asking not to contact you again.
List every single with bullet points.
End by stating they don’t make you happy, or feel good and that it’s OK to set boundaries. Friends are supposed to boost you up, make you feel amazing and basically not make you feel like shit.
And it’s OK to say you’re not willing to live the BS life anymore.
You’ll feel better when you do, I promise. Having your boundaries and responding maturely, honestly and in a polite manner is your self care.
Be straightforward. “Mary, over the years I’ve realized that we have very little in common and that interacting with you is not something I enjoy. I’ve decided that I need to “break up”. I’m sorry to do this to you if you felt we had a good friendship, but i need to be with people who are good for my mental health. I wish you all the best and please respect my decision by not contacting me anymore. “
“Hello all. I’m blocking you, Mary, because you are an unbelievably awful person. You are mean all the time and I am tired of it. I am block you other two friends because you keep dragging me back into contact with her. Furthermore we are all at a different stage in our lives and I can’t connect with you and don’t want to keep hearing about your kids despite how wonderful they are. I’m not doing this out of hatred except to you Mary. I will not reply to any messages from here on out if you manage to contact me. I hope you live well”
And then block them all
did you just block them or you tell them you no longer want to be friends?
Generally ghosting your friends or acquaintances without warning is a good way to make them concerned for you and seek to establish contact to see what happened. If you really want them out of your life you should be an adult and have a quick conversation telling them exactly your intent. Then tell them to please not contact you. Anything other than that will possibly confuse them or make them concerned. Usually communicating directly with someone is the best method. An obvious exception to that is leaving an abusive friend or stalker.