Me (34yo) and my wife (31yo), married for four years, had an arranged marriage, which is quite common in our country. I am a family oriented person staying with parents and she’s been on her own since she was 21. Before getting married I made my intentions very clear that I want to stay with my family and want full respect for my parents. She works in a distant place and used to visit me every month or so. We used to spend most of our time at home with everyone around or visiting my relatives. I couldn’t notice, but the bond we should have shared in the initial days of our marriage could not be formed because of lack of privacy. Being independent for quite sometime now, she’s a bit difficult to handle when it comes to family matters. She used to support me initially with these things but now she’s totally against it, doesn’t want to stay with my parents, says she has kind of developed very negatives feelings for them. My parents are also not very happy with her, but they try to keep their interference to bare minimum after they got to know about the situation. When it’s just about me, she’s very supportive, loving and caring, we spend a really good life together. But as soon as the family gets involved she freaks out. She does for them whatever she thinks is dutiful, but never considers them her own.
Me being very inclined towards my family find it very difficult to manage between the two. I’m going through a rough phase, our marriage is falling apart because of these issues. I’m ready to move out with her, but she’s just not ready to trust me on this, she thinks sooner or later I’m going to ask her to move back to my parent’s house or that our lives are going to revolve around my family and relatives the whole time. Suggestions/advice are welcome.
4 comments
If you intend to stay married to her, choose her wholeheartedly. When you marry someone they become your partner. That means you work together towards your common goals. It’s time for you to decide if you want to build your own family with this woman or stay in your childhood home and seek out a woman who would be happy taking on the role of the subservient daughter-in-law living in her in-law’s home and adapting to their family culture. Getting married doesn’t automatically create love and trust. That needs to be built and earned by *all* parties involved.
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Why are you staying with your mom and dad when you are married and should be with her? To tell you the truth, you don’t seem to be mature enough to be married. Who makes your bed and washes clothes? Mom?
You are not respecting your parents, you are using them to take care of their 34 year old deadbeat son.
Men and women often feel the need of independence especially if receiving help from others created a rut. Some people experienced receiving help from others and having it thrown in their face later. There are many reasons why she fears making the decision. Overall, it’s good to have your own independence but I think a person should ask for help at some point in their life.