For context – He asked me if I would like to join them. I said YES! I would love to. Now his parents don’t want me at the trip. They are very hostile towards me. They don’t even invite me home. Today I came to know they have already booked tickets. Why did the fiancé even ask me then?
I feel so hurt. I told him you don’t go for the trip to defy them. He’s not ready to take a stand against them. I don’t feel good at all. I expected him to cancel his leg of the trip because of their behaviour towards me. On the other hand my parents include him in everything.
I feel so lost and hurt. I expected my fiancé to take a stand in action not in words against these people.
TLDR- Fiancé is going on a month long vacation with his parents, who excluded me from their trip. I expected him to take a stand in action, by defying them and not going for said trip. He is still going.
27 comments
Judging by your other post its hard for me to believe that their isn’t more to the story here or you’re a troll
Can you please elaborate on why don’t they like you? Like what’s the reason for it?
Why are his parents hostile against you?
Have they always been hostile against you?
If not, what happened? If yes, why in the world did your fiance ask you to join them on the holiday trip?
I don’t want to be insensitive but without even considering the behavior of the parents…
we’re talking of a month long vacation with his family that he should just cancel because you’re hurt ?
If it was a weekend or something okay… but that’s time with his parents that he probably won’t get in the future (parents get old FAST.)
Why don’t his parents like you and do you need to be a part of this trip. I go on trips without my wife all the time and she does the same
any reason why parents don’t want you there? Not saying it’s your fault, but something has got to motivate them to make things difficult
Honey, let him go have some family time with his folks. Parents are not there forever and it’s totally fine if they wana have their own time for a bit. Your fiancé doesn’t need to be with you 24/7. I go see my family in Toronto every year without my SO and vice versa. Make peace, not war. His parents raised him and you shouldn’t make him choose between you and them, because you’ll win and they’ll lose their son. Be smart, keep the family together and they’ll respect you more. Its not black n white, everyone doesn’t have to like you, you just be diplomatic. And if you want him to leave his family because they don’t like you, then I don’t think this is the right relationship for you, because you’re just asking for a life-long, drama-ridden, bitterness and resentment. I’ve seen it with my brother’s wife, she always hated us because of her own deep insecurities and didn’t wana make an effort to get to know me or understand anything, just went along with her pre-conceived notions. I still try to see the good in her but hey, if she doesn’t like me, I’m not gona just throw a fit and tell her to F off , just do you and be diplomatic
Cheers
Lol, you hate his parents and claim that they don’t like you. Even the way you talk about them is disgusting and it should be your fiancé who should be reconsidering the wedding if this is how you talk about his parents.
I can already understand why they don’t want to go on a month long vacation with you included. Even if they’re not good parents, the way you talk about the people who raised him to be someone you love is absolutely disgusting and it speaks more about you than about them.
Could you Even imagine how you would feel if someone was talking about your parents like this ? You don’t even need to imagine it because you’ve already said them badmouthing your parents to your fiancé is one of the reasons you hate them.
I don’t think you guys are fit for each other at all because you love your parents so much, but don’t want him to love his too.
You have posted on several threads how much you hate your future in laws – although you say it’s because they are lonely and don’t have friends, so we don’t have much to go on.
You dont like them so why would you want to go?
Sometimes parents want to spend alone time with their kid. It could be their last holiday together before he gets married. I wouldn’t take it personally.
Personally I feel that if you don’t get on with his family then is it really fair for you to go on this trip and make things very uncomfortable. On top of that I also don’t think its fair for you to ask your partner to cause drama when you should really understand from his point of view. This is his family and at the end of the day he has to make time for spending time with them aswell. I also feel we aren’t getting the full story because I’m sure theirs a reason they don’t want you around. Personally if you love your partner you have to let him make his life decisions not pushing him to make the decisions that you want.
Not trying to be harsh.
Grow up and plan your own vacation.
don’t play tug of war with him & his parents your creating a divide that cant be bridged & he’s stuck in the middle. they’re his parents, this trip is his time with them & for them with their son, you can’t get in the way of that, life is too short let him go & enjoy this time with his parents. it’s kinda petty to feel hurt over this when it a ‘his family trip’
Sounds like there are other issues with you n his parents independent of this trip. you shouldn’t make him choose between you n his parents it’s unfair & damaging to your relationship & they know wot your doing….making a stand against them for you….bad move
So you hate his parents but what want a free vacation? I can see why they don’t want you around
From reading your post and your reply to some of comments, I feel you only have two choices and neither is easy to be honest.
1st choice (easiest of the 2)
End the relationship he’s not going to choose fully one side and it’s going to keep adding more stress to everyone.
Sometimes love is just not enough.
2nd choice (again not easy)
Accept that you and his parents will have no contact, he will go on holidays and leave you behind because he can’t/won’t choose sides.
Accept that he’s OK with them bad mouthing you and his family but he loves you enough not to leave you.
Personally I would choose option 1. I would not stay with someone who is ok with there family bad mouthing me and my family and be like there my parents what can I do.
No matter if there dislike for you is justified or not, its your choice to put up with it or walk away, as I said netier option is easy but from what I have read I doubt he’s going to change and I feel that whatever caused the rift between you and his parents you don’t want anything do with them.
You absolutely hate these people but you want to go on a MONTH long trip with them??
I know this isn’t the point but how does a whole group get time for a full month of vacation?
I’m having difficulties getting this.
They planned the trip with their son. He jumped the gun and assumed he could invite his fiancee. They informed him no fiancee involvement. It’s a family thing. And you are angry that you are not involved because?… Allow them to jave their specific trip and specific reason they’re having it without breaking the entire purpose by attending. Then make ur own. What if you had planned a trip and he jumped the gun and invited his parents to ur romantic gate away?? you’d be like yes just come on with us to this get away.
I would think ur fiance madw the mistake by not asking in advance whether this was a free to invite others trip
At the end of the day you’re in a relationship with him and not his parents. It sucks if they don’t want to include you but it’s their choice. As far as your fiancé not cancelling the trip, you have to remember they are still his parents. he’s entitled to a relationship with them even if that doesn’t include you. Hopefully with time this will change but you just have to rise above it and show you are good for their son and hope they eventually accept you.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing for parents to want to spend time with their child. I think you’re right to be upset at your partner for inviting you on a trip you’re not invited to, but his parents don’t owe you anything and what your family do for your partner is irrelevant.
Fiance if you read this, run! you can still save yourself from this 🚩
I saw you posted this on an asian parents subreddit too.
So a few questions:
1) are your asian families ok with travelling together pre marriage? I know many families would not want the fiance/fiancee travelling together. If that is the reason they don’t want you there that is fair and normal and not a personal thing.
2) You have already said in another post that you hate them, so why would you want to go with them on this trip? Surely it would just be a month of friction and no good will come from that. A healthy distance with in-laws is best if you don’t like each other, otherwise the person suffering in the middle is your fiance/husband in the future. So why were you so keen to go?
3) You asked him to cancel? I do not feel that is ok. He is an adult and you can communicate that you are unhappy with how his family treat you, but you can’t ask him to cancel plans with his parents. Especially in an asian household – surely you understand the obligations of a son to his parents.
4) If you want him to pick you over his parents, it is clear that he has chosen them. So you need to be ok with this set up before you decide to marry him. If you are not, then think carefully.
I use to be in a similar situation with a girl. Her dad never wanted me around for some reason. Come to find out later everytime we would have problems in our relationship she would tell her father prompting him not to like me. Partners forgive, parents don’t. If your partner is telling his parents everything you aren’t doing or something negative about you. It could make them have a negative view about you.
Judging by your post history, and replies, they were nice to you at first and you disliked them from the word go. So in the event this isn’t trolling, the situation with his parents is of your making too. You decided you didn’t like them even when they were kind to you, so no, they shouldn’t want you around, nor would there be any reason for you to want to go.
Since you share the blame in thus toxic setup, it’s not on your fiance to stand up for you, or skip the trip. Either cut your losses and end the relationship or be quiet and let the man enjoy his vacation.
lol the vast majority of this sub doesn’t know OP for shit but can barely stand to be around for a single comment, so it is not much of a surprise that fiances fam wouldn’t be champing at the bit to have them join on a week-long vacation
Regardless of how you feel. He still deserves to go on a vacation. You can use this time to have some fun of your own and you two can still communicate via text or FaceTime
Literally just got back from a trip visiting my family. I did not ask my boyfriend if he wanted to go, this was not a trip meant for him. He knew that, understood that, talked to me everyday, and told me he missed me. I came back with zero issues.
You are not owed a trip anywhere, your boyfriend is allowed to spend time with his family and not include you. If you wanted to be invited, sounds like you need to sit down with his parents and figure out why yall hate each other. And I guarantee your boyfriend is pissed that you think of his family like that.