I really need to rant against society sometimes, because they make me feel misadapted.
I know people aren't a monolith, but I can't help but put everyone in the same boat. The day I feel I can attract attention down from the basic steps is when I could finally say I'm in a more positive relationship with my community. Things like introducing yourself, initiating small talk… to my fellow guys out there, i appreciate nice words and conversations just to pass the time, but when I have to initiate everything I just slowly, slowly feel how my soul gets sucked.
I don't bother with trivialities like "what do you have to offer?". I'm me and that's that… just let me heal in peace with my meds and therapy and don't tell me to man up. If you're reading this, you know who you are. And this view is also the general view among older generations.
I don't vocalize what I'm typing here since I try to maintain a positive facade in real life and also socialize as much as I can, even though I'm fairly introverted. But people can tell I'm not ok, especially after a while.
I just don't know or understand how to feel lovable, what qualities do I have or should I develop to feel more loved in society. I'm just too weak to change anything and the only way is to integrate myself with everyone. I can't live without others and I'm sure that goes the same for most people. To be frank, I dropped the word "virgin" in the title to hopefully gain more clicks, because while it does hurt that I can't get sex and relationships I understand it's more or less an extension of your social life, a consequence if you will. I actually try to not let it define my life but I can't, it's just in the back of my mind.