My current boyfriend is my first real sexual experience (before him I had only "slept" once with someone else and it looked like this: he moved in twice and we gave up on it). My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and we've been having sex for about the same amount of time
The problem is that I love sex very much, I have a high libido and it gives me pleasure but it is also really stressful thing. I am not able to focus on the act itself because I am constantly thinking and analyzing, I also often think about some unpleasant things during: that I'm terribly bad at what I do, I compare myself to others (porn, women on the Internet, women irl, girls my boyfriend dated, even if they've never had sex). I constantly feel bad because I can't do something right, Iliked giving blowjobs at the beginning of our relationship, but now it makes me feel terrible I keep thinking that I'm doing it wrong, that I can't take him deeper because I have a gag reflex and braces, that it's probably 1000% better in the movies he watches even though he says that he doesn't do it.
Another big problem is that I am unable to have an orgasm, maybe not completely because it happens once in a while. And it's definitely something that bothers not only me but also my boyfriend who, even before we started sleeping together, told me how he dreamed of watching me cum, and that this is what he is in this world for. Lately I've noticed that it's bothering him more and more because he thinks he's "using" me if he cums with me every time but I can't even once. Which of course makes me sad and probably makes my stress worse. I can see that he's trying, whether it's oral, fingering or positions. I tried to improve it somehow and bought a vibrator that he was supposed to use with me and again, when I do it myself I'm cumming in 10 seconds but with him I can't. I just think about everything I shouldn't and I can't turn it off. Closing my eyes worked for a short time, but now it works less and less. I feel pleasure, even a lot, but I am unable to go beyond this "point".
Apart from sex, I feel comfortable with him without any stress. But when after sex he happily hugs me and thanks me for it and asks if I'm proud of myself, I can't say "yes". I feel bad, ugly, I feel like I could have done something better and that I didn't cum again. I don't know what to do, how to stop stressing and thinking all these bad things and just enjoy the moment? I feel like I'm flawed.