How to accept it

I’m very harsh on myself which led to me being in good shape and in a wonderful career at young age. In return I was so harsh on myself that I became so sweet to others. I avoided sex all together even when I was sought after by a lot. Had sex with one person and was my ex who did me dirty. I let her see the kid version of me that I let no other person ever know of and it hurts. How can I hear I love you from someone and give it to my kid self that I protect from getting hurt. Now that I think about it I don’t have any to tell me I love you and I wouldn’t know how to accept it without throwing it away or giving it no value. I’m a great man with love to give just not towards my own self, as I’d humble myself and say something negative to myself.