What relationship advice would you give a young couple?

46 comments

  1. Live together and also have sex a few times with each other, before getting married.

  2. Learn to fight fair. You’re going to argue, it will happen. But arguing fairly is the key. Both of you need to listen and be receptive of the other.

  3. Getting married will not magically solve your issues, neither will a new pet or baby. Those usually add stress, and if your relationship is currently in turmoil or you are arguing everyday those things will usually compound your problems until you learn to compromise and solve things in a healthy way.

  5. When you’re in a relationship you have to remember that you are now a team. You work together to build a happy and successful relationship. Which sometimes means not getting everything you want, and them not getting everything they want. It’s called compromise.

    However, people very easily end up compromising more than the other which leads to strain in the relationship. So it’s very important to build in solid communication with each other. Not being able to communicate with a partner is always a huge reason for relationships failing. It is important to remember that the other person is someone you care about, so no yelling, screaming, disrespecting the other person during a disagreement.

    Sex is great. It’s fun. It’s exciting. But there needs to be a real connection with someone other than sex to make a relationship work. You need to really like the other person outside of wanting to fuck them.

    You need to be reliable. You need to be able to listen.

  6. Make sure you both really really love each other before committing having kids etc

  7. Some things to avoid/address that commonly cause relationship problems/failures:
    • overlooking/ignoring red flags
    • not being fluent in each other’s love language(s)
    • not communicating well with each other
    • taking our partner for granted and/or letting our partner take us for granted
    • expecting our partner to make our life perfect
    • wrapping our whole life around our partner, and expecting our partner to wrap their whole life around us (co-dependency)
    • expecting the entire relationship will always be just as euphoric as the “honeymoon phase”

  8. Don’t be afraid to go to bed mad or walk away from the argument until you calm down.

  9. Give each other some space. Enjoy being with each other and doing things together, but also have your own interests to pursue by yourself and with friends, and allow the other person to do the same.

  13. Know yourself and what you are looking for in your partner. That should determine if you are settling instead of finding that soulmate.

    Communication is key to any successful relationship.

  14. Communicate what it is that you want without all the drama. I mean everything too.

    Don’t have kids till you find some real money.

  15. You both need to make sacrifices in life to make a relationship work. It’s not all about what you or she wants. Communicate and expect some things aren’t always possible

  16. Nothing you’re feeling or doing is unique so don’t put up with poor treatment because nobody is irreplaceable.

  18. Don’t take it too seriously. You’re young and in love, don’t be too strict on eachother. You have so many years ahead of you where then you can worry about the serious stuff. Just ride the wave, see how it goes, lay back and enjoy it

  20. Treat them like you want them, not like you got them.

    That means, don’t get complacent. They are with you for how you treat now, and if you continue to treat them well, the relationship will last. Not everyone is capable of that.

  21. Don’t take yourself and each other too seriously and literally. Kiss every morning,evening and every time you feel like it. Don’t be shy.

    Most importantly don’t listen to those who will try to tear you apart for whatever reason. There will be many of them-you can bet on that. Miserable people hate people in happy relationships with passion like nothing else.

  22. Put your phones down and do activities together regularly, even if it’s just reading or watching a movie. Listen to music together and talk to each other. Go for walks together and talk. Just talk! Most young people spend 90 percent of their time together on technology.

  23. COMMUNICATE. If something is bothering you, your partner can’t read your mind. Never assume your SO knows what’s going on.

  24. Careful the habits you make, they might be harder to break later in your relationship. Also, today’s reacher is often tomorrow’s reachee.

  25. I’m going to tell you something 99% of people don’t know/admit.

    When couples divorce and they say “You’re not the person I married”

    no fucking shit. that was 5-10-25 years ago. I’ve grown and changed, like a person SHOULD.

    The difficulty is in whether or not you can accept who your partner has become, and that is on YOU. That is YOUR choice. Just like it is their choice on whether to accept who you have become.

    If you get married at 18-19, and you’re shocked when your wife/husband is a very different person by 25, you need to look back at who you were at 18 and who you are now, cause imma guarantee they’re vastly different people just in those 7 years.

  27. When you are young, you do a lot of growing and changing whether you want to or not. In order for the relationship to succeed long term you have to learn how to love the person they become, whatever that is, rather than demanding they remain the same person you fell in love with in the beginning

  28. Be upfront about what you want, what’s bothering you, what you wish could change, etc. Otherwise you’ll never get what you’re looking for.

  29. It’s more important to be together than to be right. Swallow your pride and apologize for your part.

  30. Never stop dating her. Never stop dating him.

    Communication is really key.

    The little things matter more then the big romantic ones.

  31. Read Gottman. 4 horsemen, 5:1 ratio, learn to “fight” civilly and discuss the issue at hand/solutions, not each other’s shortcomings. Also, this day and age everyone wants to quit as soon as it gets uncomfortable, hard, or they see their individuality shift. Relationships are about interdependence and growing together as a team. You are two individuals, yes, but you cannot be independent in a committed relationship. That’s an oxymoron

  32. Never, ever, whether its a relationship, a job, or anything, put all your eggs in one basket.

  33. Read up on limerence and the 3 stages of love.

    [https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-3-phases-of-love/](https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-3-phases-of-love/)

    Know that what you are experiencing now is probably more limerence or the honey moon phase than it is love. Unfortunately the honey moon phase only last about 2 or 3 years into a marriage.

    Try to learn as much about how your partner works before you hit that 3 year mark. Try to build a genuine love for each other. You’re going to have a bad time 2 or 3 years in if you don’t

    Don’t weaponize ignorance. Don’t gaslight. Don’t manipulate. Keep pursuing your partner. Keep advancing yourself in your hobbies and work. Keep your mental health in check. Do some large tasks around the house or apartment just to make them happy. Don’t be a mooch. Don’t start a business while living off your wife. Try to stay healthy if you can.

  34. Don’t fight over text. Give each other room to calm down and discuss it in person.

  35. Don’t try to win arguments. Try to solve them. Actually? Lose on purpose. Just concede defeat and move on to resolution.

  36. The first fights are the worst. Don’t think because you have a few horrible fights at the beginning you aren’t meant for each other. If you fight when you first start it’s usually a good sign, it means neither of you are walking over the other one.

    Remember relationships are a lot like life, you only really fail at it when you give/break up or don’t learn from your mistakes.

  37. Always opt for helping your partner win, even from you. Arguments and what not. This will ensure that you end up with a winner. Not a loser. Be the team.

  38. If you don’t make each other the best versions of yourselves, not worth it. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. And start saving as much as you can NOW.

  39. Communicate. You cannot know what the other is thinking unless they actually tell you.

  40. Realize that you are a young couple and you don’t have to rush through everything. Take some time to just breathe. You will have plenty of time to do things.

  42. Communicate.

    Even if something only bothered you a small amount, voice that anyway in a proper manner. Eventually all of these little things will build up and something seemingly minor will set you off making you look in the wrong for never communicating.

    If he/she doesn’t go on the defensive and validates your feelings and makes adjustments, you probably have something special. If not, then you might need to re-evaluate it all together.

  43. We have been together 27 years. Are still desperately in love. We still fall asleep in each other’s arms. These are mine.

    1. A wedding is about you two making a commitment to each other. It doesn’t involve anyone or anything else. You don’t need to spend a huge sum to do it right.

    2. Life will throw you curve balls. Some big ones. There wil be good times and some bad times. Just remember, if you really love each other, then the bad don’t matter.

    3. There will be aspects of each other that will be annoying. For example, one of you might become a snorer. Tough. That is part of marriage. None of us are perfect. A marriage is about five and take.

  44. Here are some things me and my boyfriend do that have really helped our relationship:
    – using “I feel statements” essentially an “I feel” statement focuses on the emotion of the even rather than placing blame. It can really help both people to communicate effectively about what matters most: the feelings. For example, rather than saying “you never do the laundry!” You can try, “It makes me feel overwhelmed when I don’t get help with household chores.” So you hear the difference?
    – Five minutes down deep. We don’t do this every night, but probably a few times every couple weeks. Basically it’s just talking to each other about what’s going on with you each on a deeper level. It allows you to connect and communicate about the important things.
    – always make time for date nights!
    – Communication is important, but comprehension is key. You can communicate all you want, but if the other person doesn’t understand what you’re trying to say it won’t matter how much you say.
    – A tool that has been really helpful for me and my boyfriend to help with comprehension is making sure we understand what we’re trying say. Sometimes my boyfriend will say one thing, but I hear something else. For instance, “you look really nice today” could be interpreted as “you don’t look nice other days” so something that we do that helps is saying “what I heard you say was…” and this can really help break down any understanding barriers.
    – ALWAYS keep the lines of communication open. But, Sometimes I have a hard time having tough conversations. Something that helps me is writing down what I want to say rather than speaking it. I’ll write it on a note and he’ll read it. It allows us to communicate even when it’s tough.

    I know that was a lot but I hope it helped!

  45. I’ll just give you one point so as not to make it into an essay. I assume you’re a new couple due to the nature of the question:

    Arguments should NEVER be about who is right and who is wrong. It should be about you and your partner SOLVING a problem together. You AND her/him against the problem. Not you against her/him.
    There is literally no situation in which this doesnt apply.

    – Arguing about where to live: lay out your points, truly listen to theirs (without trying to counter it or prove it wrong) and realise you will both need to compromise. Things like “I would like to live there because “x” is really important to me.” OR “I don’t really want to live there but I could make it work if I had “X ,Y, Z.”.

    – Arguing because they did something mean, rude or are otherwise “the bad guy”: after or instead of being angry says things like: “When you did that thing it made me feel this way and I’d really like it if you don’t do it again. How can we work together to make sure it doesn’t happen again?”.

    – Arguing because YOU did something mean, rude or are otherwise the bad guy: apologise! Apologies isn’t about submitting to the other person. “I’m sorry I said that, I wasn’t thinking. Sometimes words just come flying out of my mouth without thinking.” Or “I didn’t know you were sensitive about that I’m sorry, I didnt want to hurt you. How can we work together to make sure I don’t say that again?”.

    This will help to create a true, loving relationship built on a foundation of respect, understanding and humility.

    Speaking as someone who completely fucked up my marriage by NOT doing any of these things. Sadness.

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