I (F28) have been dating my (M34) boyfriend for 8 years now.
He’s always told me since the beginning that he could “never turn down sex/head”. He was always the hyper active sex one where I was more or so neutral. Not crazy high but not low either, though some days my sex drive CAN be very high.
Last week, I gave him head in the morning, he wanted it. Before this though, we haven’t had sex in 4 weeks. I’ve been masterbating a lot because I do like to orgasm and my sex drive is really high right now. Since he doesn’t want to touch me like that, I’ve been taking matters into my own hands.
Finally, I ask him about it.
6 days straight he’s avoided my advancements.
Yesterdays attempt ended in him saying “we’ve been together for 6 years, it’s only NORMAL to not constantly want sex all the time, bro” and “I’m sorry bro I can’t fake and pretend being turned on” and even “I’m someone whose never cheated on you I’ve been with you for 8 almost 9 years now how can you expect me or anyone to not want to have sex like we did when we first met?”
I ask him how’s his stress and body image. He’s not stressed, according to him, and right now he’s on a diet and looks better than ever and he’s really happy with how he’s looking (this also is why I’m more horny than before)
Today’s advancement, after saying “god you look so delicious I wanna eat you” (something I’ve said before in the past to him) and being sexy on our bed, he basically said “dude I’m not horny, you’re making me uncomfortable, like get over it bro”
That kinda broke me a little. I’ve struggled trying to be sexy and after doing all this, I feel like a loser. My intention is never to make my partner uncomfortable. I wasn’t forcing myself onto him or anything. I was just initiating and was being cute and sexy on the bed while he cleaned up the room.
For the record, I’m very objectively attractive and very fit. My body is, according to him, a woman’s dream. I’m not ugly like that. People find me very attractive, so before any troll wants to say that it’s cus I don’t take care of myself or something, that’s not true. I smell good and I know I even “taste” great down there.
My issue here is I feel like what he said really hurt me. I expect us to be together forever, you know, that sappy stuff. If 9 years is enough for him to tell me these things, what can I expect if we date until we’re in our 40s/50s or when i get pregnant and no longer have the body I have?
I’m just beating myself up about it here. It’s putting me in a mental chokehold to be honest with you. I’d like some outside perspective here.
EDIT: I’ve told him all these things too and he continues to say that he’s very sorry but that it’s very normal for anyone in his shoes to not feel horny. But it’s been 4 weeks since we’ve had sex, he’s gotten head from me that one time last week but I’ve gotten nothing from him. If I tell him it’s one sided he thinks I was giving him “petty head”.
He also lives by the philosophy that sex is an important thing in a relationship. And the one time I had severe body image a few years ago and went 1 month without having sex, he was really upset by it. I never told him the things he’s told me, I simply told him that I was a bit depressed and he accepted it’s though a bit frustratingly.
Idk what to do. I feel really, really sad here. What’s your advice here, what do you think?
TL;DR; my sexual advances make my boyfriend uncomfortable