My (24F) boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for a year and a half but have been fooling around for 6 years. The sex has always been one-sided, but for the longest time it didn’t bother me because I was content enough getting off on watching him get off. But since we’ve become official, that’s not enough anymore. I’ve tried talking to him about this 3 maybe 4 times in the last 11 months, letting him know that it’s one-sided, that it’s making me feel unloved and undesirable, that I feel left out, that it’s really negatively impacting my self esteem (sometimes to the point of thoughts of SH), that it feels like he doesn’t care that it’s me he’s having sex with because he’s not including me in the pleasure part of it, and the first few times, he told me he’d try to include me and pay more attention to me. He has not exactly delivered. I think it’s worth noting, just to express the severity, that he cums almost every time, and in 6 years he’s only made me cum once. I tried bringing it up to him the other day after another one-sided sexual encounter left me crying on and off for a full day, and I think my fears were proven true. He reiterated that he doesn’t like giving head often (I can count on 1 hand the number of times he’s given me oral) and that when it comes to fingering, he doesn’t like fingering me for very long because his fingers go wrinkly like when you take a bath or go swimming. It just reinforced the feeling that he wants to be touched but doesn’t want to touch me. He suggested toys but now it just feels like he’s looking at toys as a way to shut me up without touching me. I don’t think he likes me sexually and it’s breaking my heart. If he wanted to touch me and make me feel good I wouldn’t have to cry about it and it still not happen. I feel hideous and can hardly look at myself in the mirror. I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I do believe he loves me, just not sexually, and I don’t want to leave him. Do I take sex off the table? Do I offer to him again for him to find someone he does want to have sex with? Do I just shut up and give him what he wants and stop hoping? Am I being unreasonable? I need advice, please.
Edit: I want to reiterate the fact that I don’t want to leave him. I guess while I was writing I forgot to mention that in every other aspect of the relationship, he’s an absolutely stand-up, god-tier boyfriend. This is just weighing heavily on my heart. I want to get through this with him, not end things over bedroom issues. I appreciate the comments telling me to find better, I know they’re well-intended, but I also don’t intend on leaving him. Maybe I’m dumb or low on self-respect, idk. But I do love him a lot