For context I come from a conservative culture, this is to preface any judgements of being aloof or not acting my age here. Sex is a taboo and I myself more than other women have a sheltered life in this regards so I was indeed unaware.
I met a guy on an app, due to my prior experiences and knowing the culture around me I was very upfront from the start about physical boundaries, about what I wanted out of this interaction (marriage only) how if things progressed it would be to ascertain compatibility ( not physical in any way). The guy apparently understood, when the topic came for physical compatibility he was okay with having physical relationships pre marriage and I wasn’t so I told him to go our separate ways in order to not make either of us be in a situation we don’t want to be in. He was distraught and said I was giving up on him and ofcourse if I don’t want it he won’t expect it. We met three times before he flew back and we both were always aware of the time and long distance. In our culture this is how generally things work. People meet, talk about their values and goals and involve families.
He talked in lengths himself before leaving of our future plans, obstacles we will face etc. I presumed he was very serious. Before leaving he said he wanted to make things exclusive and official and I was everything he was looking for and it is as good as it can get for him. After we made it exclusive however his conversations became very sexual of nature. He knew I had zero physical relationships uptil now but he insisted we meet and do something atleast before he leaves. I said no but he kept insisting. This is where my inexperience comes in I didn’t see as a red flag, after that was it just on texts for that day so I would ask him to stop, talk about other things but he would say we would do as he wants (he passed it as a joke) over the next few days again this is all we discussed. One night he really wanted to do something on video call to again which I said no and he got very upset. When I said this isn’t right firstly because I always said no. Secondly we have just met and it is too soon to even joke about it or expect it. The next day he mocked on my inexperience to handle such situations. After this day he just ghosted me, only to return some days later and say things had been very rough and he was going through some mental health issues. The way he said it had me really worried, I know how mental health issues can progress and I felt least I could be is understanding. I left some meaningful messages and dropped calls all spaced out ofcourse, told him I am here if he needs etc and gave him space. Meanwhile he would leave mixed clues like a miss call, watching my stories etc. I had genuine reason to believe he was indeed just mentally disturbed. Until I found his updated profile on the app again, turned out he was just exploiting his situation and just left me as a backup.
After this I took a step back and accepted what has happened and I feel grossed out. Knowing my lack of experience and knowing I didn’t want anything sexual in nature. He breached my boundaries his texts are so disgusting it feels like he treats women as objects only and he just saw me as one until he knew he couldn’t breach my boundaries. The details of these texts and our calls make me nauseous they were one sided and not consensual. He pursued me, got me interested and emotionally invested whereas he just wanted only one thing from me. I feel sick knowing how I wondered at a point if he was even alive and he was just boosting his ego with my messages and calls. Not to mention this guy has domestic abuse charges pressed against him by his ex wife (which he said were false) but his sexual coercion and lack of respecting boundaries tell me otherwise. Yes I have a lot to learn of course but what were his intentions? I feel like he took me as a challenge to break me and it was games, correct me if I am wrong?
TLDR; This guy I was talking to get married disrespected my boundaries, on refusal made an excuse to disappear and keep me as a backup and later I found him on the app. I feel like he used me?