Title says it all, but I’ll go into detail. We have been dating close to 4 years and it has been difficult keeping everything going but manageable until these past few weeks.
We have been working to improve a lot of our relationship in terms of romance, intimacy, expressing feelings, ensuring household activities are shared, effective communication, being attentive of the little things etc.
To list some things as what we’ve done to improve are:
Built out monthly meal prep plans and execute them together so that cooking is shared
I do the chores outside of washing dishes (even though I still have to do them sometimes) and got us a biweekly cleaning service to do a deep clean. I also have to make sure I don’t ask too many questions about chores as that makes her feel like the director of chores
I am on the spectrum so expressing my feelings has been hard but I try to make sure I express them as much as I can
I get flowers on a monthly basis not prompted
I read up on the patriarchy/toxic masculinity to better understand what they are and some of the typical pitfalls and learned toxic behavior to be a better partner
Have a monthly planned date (not impromptu has to be thoughtful)
Worked on ensuring I’m not defensive/reactive when we are having arguments, ask questions to really understand her thoughts/feelings and not go into my “fix-it” mode
I consistently try to make sure I tell her how beautiful she is, how much I love her, make sure to have plenty of cuddle time, etc.
I have to make sure that when friends ask to make plans that I tell her about them asap no matter how far into the future they are
There has been sexual trauma in her past so we have had to work on intimacy from the ground up. Being very attentive/caring/thoughtful before during and after (which honestly was who I am just taking it to a higher degree)
There are more but I’d rather not type them all out but the gist is when she has come to me and said “she needs this for our relationship to work” I’ve tried my best to deliver. Problem is now I’ve had another list of needs to work on because she feels lonely in our relationship. I need to make sure I’m not spacing out, to express how I’m feeling even more often, to be excited about planning out dates (I like going on dates but apparently I need to like the planning portion of it too), to be more active in home makeover projects, and to make an effort to start mornings cuddling.
This new list plus the fact that my job for the next few months is going to be a lot (which I did warn her about) has me completely exhausted.
All in all, the message I feel like I’m getting is “you need to do this because you’re not good enough”
Am I overreacting to this new list? Is there any way to make this work or am I destined to constant self improvement?
TLDR: Gf has a new list of needs for our relationship to work and I’m burnt out