Hello Reddit,
Me(21m) and my partner (20f) of 2 years broke up last November 5th due to her finding Tinder email notifications from when we started dating, in all honesty I deleted tinder app but never deleted my account so after a while when someone I matched with, before the relationship started, matched with me it sent me an email about three weeks after her and I started dating. She was very convinced I was cheating on her then and that the relationship was built on lies. honestly it was not the only reason as we had a couple arguments through out the span of 2 years, that went astray due to my lack of maturity and hers as well, both stemming from insecurities and a lack of communication. We have our own apartment together and everything and talked about all the seriousness of a relationship which we agreed we want a future with each other. I guess after a week we were separated and she was posting pictures of her self, two other dudes reached out to her and she started talking to them. I had to fly back home because the break up was an emotional toll on me and when I came back around December 5th, we got together and said that we did want a future together and to try again, we also had an intimate moment. But she wanted to wait till the end of December to officially be back together, so she can understand all the confusing emotion she was feeling and I was okay with that. She also mentioned to me during our separation that she was talking to others, but not to sleep around or finding someone new. We did officially get back together and of course had issues due to what she did and also due to a lack of proper trust. We are still together at a much healthier place and have been working extremely hard to overcome our own issues and insecurities. But the fact she talked to people so soon after we broke up and that she kept talking to them after we got intimate still somewhat bothers me and I strongly just want to get over it. She told me that none of her conversations with them was sexual or flirting, but she did also tell me that she found them attractive and possibly may have told them that, but she wasn’t sure as she mentions she can’t remember too much of their conversations. She guarantees she’s never met up with them in person just chats over instagram. She’s given me their names and accounts on which she talked to them, she’s said I can look through her conversation with them (thought she’d be upset I didn’t trust her words), she told me she just needed to move on because she didn’t want to be stuck on me because she very much loved me and was heartbroken about what happened. She told me that they haven’t talked before we broke up or after we got back together. She told me even throughout that time she still kept me on her mind and somewhat respected me as much as she can without being restrained to the relationship. She didn’t want anything with them as she was tired of having man problems lol. She even told me that they stopped talking well before we officially got back together. I also know that if she did do anything that made her feel guilty that she wouldn’t have gotten back together and I have no reason to think she is lying. It’s just that I don’t know how to process this to heal from this, I want to do everything to forget and move on, but man it’s so hard to do so when my mind keeps wandering back to it and wondering what her conversations were like with them. I don’t want to be held up but it somewhat bothers me, everyday it’s like a new aspect of what she did that bothers me and I just need an external perspective, I’ve never shared this with anyone as I just wanted to keep her image clean in case if it was something bad she did. I don’t want to look through her conversations and I want to take her word, but I guess my still lack of maturity in that department is heavily affecting me. Essentially I think the whole bother is the fact that someone else somewhat had access to her and I keep thinking it’s such a big deal. I grew up very Indian and catholic( moving away from the old values though) so to me some days I’m able to calm down thinking she’s just needed a distraction and a way to move on from something that hurt, but other days I get so damn sad thinking about the whole thing and just replaying November and December. I know she didn’t do anything bad or anything to cause her guilt, she’s apologized and shown extreme remorse for her actions which I never asked for but appreciate. All I did through that time was to convince her that this one thing is not true and I didn’t cheat and that I would be a better boyfriend and that I recognize that I messed up in ways more than this. I don’t know how to grow up from this and I know it is extremely silly for me to be upset about considering what she was thinking how her 2 year relationship ended. Even 8~ months later it still bothers me and I just want it to stop, social media has taught me that people are just jerks that do anything to protect themselves even if it meant hurting someone else, and I’m so scared this MAY be true to her even though she hasn’t given me any reason to doubt her. I love her beyond belief and want a future with her and have been growing up in maturity on so many other aspects, including trying so hard everyday to be a better boyfriend. And I’m just so ashamed of this sometimes. It’s not fair to me to be stuck on this and it’s definitely not fair for her to still face backlash about this. Like I mentioned we are in a way better place and it’s the best love life we have ever had. I just really need an out side perspective and to grow up and I don’t want my only option to be to breakup from her.
Ps: eventually, recently, prove my innocence with the tinder notifications hence why we are trying catch up on our missed and angry time with happiness now.
TLDR: partner broke up with me and it felt like she moved on quick and now that we are back together it still hurt that she did that