I (25m) have been broke up with gf for maybe 4 months now and for some reason it’s like even though I remember the day we broke up it was my limit and I member telling myself “if something happens tomorrow Im out.”
And then now 4 months later I literally forgot the relationship began in 2020 my trying to reconcile the actions I dealt even recording proof of the physical abuse and disregard with up until this year.
I show my friends and family and they tell me it is abuse in these videos, but I almost still belive it could’ve literally been handled better or I could’ve done something to no get yelled at and pushed over a vape. Or kicked because I didn’t hold up a blanket.
Like I almost think that wasn’t that bad, but I also so clearly remember hitting my limit and shaking due to adrenaline and not wanting to/being able to reach physically. And how she was apologizing again in that moment. I felt helpless in the position because of me knowing not to react physically but wanting to out of rage and up to my wits so bad.
But still to this day I disagree with how I miss her. But I know it was wrong and all I could’ve done actually was dealt with more than I wanted to even longer.
I don’t understand why.
TLDR; I (25m) broke up with my gf (26f) 4 months ago due to hitting my limits in the physical abuse and other things. But can’t help to miss her and feel at a disagreement with myself like I could’ve done something and want to be with her. Even after finding old video proof of abuse and my peers telling me it is abuse, I feel like maybe it wasn’t that bad. Why?